17 April 2011

Thirty-Minute Song Challenge

I used to love doing those goofy chain letter-type survey things, where they'd ask garbage like "What kind of ice cream did you last eat?" and try to goad you into revealing ridiculously personal information.

Those didn't die with Myspace and AIM profiles, and seem to live on to some extent on Facebook. I've seen this thirty-day song challenge on Facebook, and while this kind of thing isn't really my scene anymore, I do like the idea of this because I have a weird and goofy taste in music, and I'd like to give some thought to the music that's had an impact on me.

I lack, however, both the time and motivation in the morning to think of, write about, and link to each song every day for thirty days, so I'm just going to do it all now and post it here. I'm going to go off the board a little bit when there are multiple songs in mind, but we'll see how I do.


thirty day song challenge
  1. your favorite song
    This is a really difficult one to start out with. I was thinking about this for a while and don't know if I just have one "favorite song"... which seems a little silly, given that everyone has a favorite song. There are just so many considerations. My mood at a given time, the "song's" genre, how you really define favorite. For the purposes of this exercise, I'll try to stick with songs (with or without words but not classical pieces). I guess for lack of a clear, standout, slam-dunk favorite song, I'll go with my current favorite song, MGMT - Time to Pretend. It's a fun song with over the top lyrics, but I think it's appropriate for a twenty-something just trying to rock out and have some fun.

  2. your least-favorite song
    Also very difficult to pick. I have so greatly disliked so many songs and bands over the years, picking one least-favorite song is very tough. So, if I were doing this on Facebook, I'd probably pick some jokey answer like the Notre Dame Fight Song and be on with it.

  3. a song that makes you happy
    This, to me, is very close to "favorite song," although obviously less specific because it can be any song that makes me happy. My favorite songs tend to be those that make me happy. (Isn't that really your favorite anything? The one from which you derive the most pleasure?) I've already picked some hipstery electo-pop nonsense for #1 so I'll stay away from the awesome song I was tempted to pick and instead say Arcade Fire - Wake Up, which is something of a trite choice (or would have been three years ago), but given that this song marks the end of the week on the Dan Patrick Show and leads up to the DECA-YEAH on Jim Rome... it can't be beat.

  4. a song that makes you sad
    Track 3 from Sigur Rós ( ) album, unofficially titled "Samskeyti" (meaning "Attachment"), makes me very sad. I listened to this song a lot when my dad was sick, especially on the eve of my 21st birthday, when things really took a serious and sudden turn for the worse. It's a yearning and beautiful song, with a very typically Sigur Rós minimalist sound.

  5. a song that reminds you of someone
    Despite Brown-Eyed Girl being one of the most overdone karaoke songs of all time, this song actually reminds me of a good family friend who passed away far too young after a grueling battle with skin cancer. I remember him playing this song on his guitar when we went on vacation. It makes me sad but those are good memories, too.

  6. a song that reminds you of somewhere
    You would think that there would be a lot of songs that remind me specifically of one place, but it's not really so. There are a few that remind me of Spain, but I've referenced them in this space already. Most of the songs I like I've been listening to for so long that they don't remind me of anywhere in particular anymore. One of the only things I've been listening to recently that reminds me of a specific place is Tudo Bem by the Brazilian funk-rock band Garotas Suecas (i.e., "Swedish girls"). I discovered this band thanks to NPR during the Post-Apocalyptic Baltimore Era and I still associate it with the long and hot afternoons spent in the apartment there, hunched under the air-conditioning vent, looking for work or relaxing after a run. That actually happened. So weird.

  7. a song that reminds you of a certain event
    Too easy. Is there one song that sticks out from the #r20bc - also known as the Route 20 Limo Bar Crawl - more than WEIGHSON SHERBERT, the Jim Rome Show's take on Lady Gaga's Paparazzi? If you say yes, you weren't there or you're lying. #gettinslizzard

  8. a song that you know all the words to
    I am horrible at song lyrics and even my very favorite songs I trip up on. That makes this an easy pick. The only song I know all of the words to, almost without hesitation, is All Star by Smash Mouth, a favorite of Benny J's since circa fall 1999. This is my late-night karaoke standby because everyone knows it and it's easy to sing.

  9. a song that you can dance to
    Another easy one. I am a horrible dancer. I can do the Macarena, of course, as any good child of the 90s can, but the dance at the end of this hilariously over-the-topRainbow Road Song was performed to perfection in dance clubs across continental Europe by my friend Alberto and me during my time in Spain.

  10. a song that makes you fall asleep
    This is a hard one because I really don't listen to music when I'm trying to sleep. Unless the hum of the fan I keep on my bedside during the night to provide white noise and cool the room counts as a song, I don't know if I have a good answer. I had an awfully hard time staying awake during the interminable slow movement of Mahler 4 (too lazy to find a good clip) this summer, so let's just forget about my self-imposed no classics rule and go with that.

  11. a song from your favorite band
    Favorite band, like favorite song, is difficult to narrow down. I guess I have to go with Ben Folds in some incarnation, though, as I've seen him live a few times and I have consistently enjoyed his music since about 8th grade. (For the record, I didn't really like Songs for Silverman but I think I enjoyed Way to Normal more than most.) Which Ben Folds song? I guess Army for the fond memories of singing the background vocals during the concerts.

  12. a song from a band you hate
    As much as I hate Creed and most Nickelback, hating those bands is too MAINSTREAM, man. I need to hate a band that understands my preteen angst that I was feeling circa 2003. I'm sorry but I really don't think that this song or its band, Bowling for Soup, have many redeeming qualities. There are so many good choices.
    BONUS SONG: I wrote a while back about at-bat music and M and I were discussing this again recently, and we were trying to come up with truly horrible at-bat music, but not bad in that it shits on the concept of at-bat music (like my girl Sinéad), but more like a song that only a really lame person would think is cool. It's almost impossible to describe this genre, but you know when you hear one. M came up with Smooth, by Rob Thomas with Santana, which is perfect. My vote would be for any Creed song not chosen ironically, or maybe something like Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down. Suggestions?

  13. a song that is a guilty pleasure
    So I guess this is a song that I'm not "supposed" to like based on my taste or social mores or whatever but actually love. This is a difficult list to put together, because I try not to really apologize for anything that I like... but I think Everytime [ugh] We Touch by CASCADA has to count. I guess it's not a guilty pleasure that I like this song. I typically like dance and light techno and even some J-Pop, especially with a 90s-ish twinge like this song. The guilty pleasure is HOW MUCH I like this song. I go nuts when this comes on. When mixed with alcohol, the results may be lethal or result in the greatest dancing you've ever seen.

  14. a song that no one would expect you to love
    This is kind of the same as the last one. I understand the distinction, but again, to me, they carry basically the same kind of meaning. I really love Hey Ya by OutKast and I think anyone could and should love this song, but like with the last song, I really love it and that's the surprising part.

  15. a song that describes you
    My hands are tied here; there's only one song I can pick. Years ago, a good friend decided he was going to ascribe songs to all of us based on our personalities. Given my somewhat neurotic and self-depreciating tendencies at the time. I was the first one assigned a song and I ended up with Puddle of Mudd's classic, She Hates Me, which I think I had coming. (Note: Linking to the Richard Cheese version of the song because the actual rendition is so awful. A song that uses the lyrics "trust" (as a sentence) and "shit went sour" is really not my type.)

  16. a song that you hear often on the radio
    Born This Way by the fair dame Gaga. Every goddamn time I leave the house. I think this is the worst and least-inventive single she's come out with - I like Lady Gaga generally - and it's a double bummer because I always think it's going to be another song. #genericchordprogressions

  17. a song that you wish you heard on the radio
    I am not sure what this means. I wish that I still heard this song on the radio, though, on a daily basis. This, of course, being Lust for Life by Iggy Pop, the Jim Rome Show's theme song. (Honorable mention to the Boomtown Rats.)

  18. a song from your favorite album
    "Favorite album" implies my favorite album to be taken at one time, as a complete work of art. I am having a hard time choosing between two albums, so I'll just cop out and choose both. Exit Music (For A Film) by Radiohead (off of OK Computer) and Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels) by Arcade Fire (off of the still-unmatched Funeral). Both songs have parenthetical titles, both are a little mellow or sad, and both are awesome tracks on awesome albums. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?

  19. a song you listen to when you're angry
    When you are either falling in or out of love, you feel like every song about love or about breakups was written ESPECIALLY FOR YOU. I still remember listening to Mr Brightside by The Killers causing a moment of shared jealous anger/disbelief with a friend of mine while we were at work when the song first came out. We'd both come off shaky breakups and we rocked out to this song. It gets my vote of "Best Pop Song of the Decade" even though it wasn't specifically a pop song, whatever. (See the last sentence of the last song's post.)

  20. a song you listen to when you're happy
    There are all kinds of different songs I'll listen to when I'm happy. (Maybe now would be a good time for the caveat that I probably should have listed a while ago: I probably don't sit around and just listen to music as much as most people.) If I'm excited it will be one thing, if I'm content, another. Who knows. I always like listening to Guster when I'm in a good mood because it's mostly upbeat music with bright vocals and instrumentals. Ramona always makes me happy. (I also usually start out every road trip with Rock by Lexicon, from Harold and Kumar, so this was the other song I almost picked. The instrumental is awesome and would be good radio bumper music.)

  21. a song you listen to when you're sad
    A great, great teacher of mine once told me that he likes music that stings a little bit, so he tends to like minor keys and things like that. When I am sad, I feel that way too, and sometimes like to just completely indulge in it. Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap is a really beautiful song rife with tasteful dissonance and melodramatic themes. Good one for a rainy day. And worth a listen if you've never heard it (or if you've only heard the crappy hip-hop sample of the bridge).

  22. a song that you want to play at your wedding
    For my mom, I'd want to play Willie Nelson's rendition of Always on My Mind, since it was my parents' wedding song. She would cry and I would cry but it would have to be played, I think!

  23. a song that you want to play at your funeral
    That's a bit morose. I don't know if that's something I want to spend a lot of time thinking about. I guess the slow movement of Beethoven's Seventh would be an appropriate choice just because it's dark and powerful and it's from maybe my favorite symphony, but if I had to choose something that wasn't featured in Mr Holland's Opus, uh... how about a New Orleans funeral? I'm not even kidding. Don't sit around and mope about me, I hope that I lead a good life worth celebrating and reminiscing about over cocktails and food. Just a Closer Walk with Thee. (Not necessarily that version but I love Patsy Cline.)

  24. a song that makes you laugh
    The Limp Bizkit Medley of Nookie and Breakstuff is the funniest thing Richard Cheese has ever done, as far as I'm concerned. This song just completely lampoons the concept of Limp Bizkit and does it so well. I love the vamp section where he addresses the audience. Richard Cheese's rendition of Radiohead's "Creep" is also hilarious - I wrote a term paper about it my last semester in school. Weird Al's "Pretty Fly for a Rabbi" only gets better with age (and of course "Albuquerque" and "Amish Paradise" and "White and Nerdy"). I don't know if I can count Santana Shreds but yeah, that too. And THIS from San Francisco Rush. I love to laugh so lots of songs make me laugh.

  25. a song that you can play on an instrument
    That's a tough one because... I mean how much of the song do I have to be able to play? A little brass background lick or solo? Then there are lots of songs I can play. Carrying a melody and singing, using a guitar or piano? Ehhhhh... I kind of taught myself to play a much-reduced version of Sola by Enanitos Verdes on piano because I love the chord progression (and lyrics, for that matter), so let's go with that. My favorite thing to perform on my actual instrument is probably the first Strauss Horn Concerto, though.

  26. a song that you wish you could play
    You could knock any woman off her feet if you could play and sing this well.

  27. a song that makes you feel guilty
    Guilty. I don't know. I actively try to avoid feeling guilty; I can't stand lying, or really even being more than mildly dishonest, because I absolutely hate feeling guilty. It absolutely eats me up. Not trying to say I should be beatified for that, but it's the truth. If we're being honest here, I guess Pomplamoose's rendition of Lady Gaga's Telephone makes me feel a little guilty because I tend to try very hard to get in touch with people when they're upset with me, even if they do not want to talk. (Actively trying to defuse conflict.) Every time that happens, I feel guilty and stupid for trying so hard and coming off desperate. I love this Pomplamoose tune, though!

  28. a song from your childhood
    I don't know how far back to go with my childhood but I guess I'll go all the way back... the first song I definitely remember hearing on the radio was U Can't Touch This (and if I need to list the artist, we have a problem). I was probably... four? Maybe five? On my way to pre-school in a friend's mom's car, this came out. It was a sunny day and it was as we were leaving the neighborhood. Some things stay with you so vividly. And some days, you can't remember what you had for breakfast.

  29. your favorite song at this time last year
    Well, the one I listened to the most was the aforementioned Richard Cheese cover of "Creep" (and Radiohead's version and Frank Bennett's top-100-in-Australia swing cover, of course) since I wrote a term paper comparing and contrasting the three. I also really loved driving around to Supermassive Black Hole with the windows down. Honorable mention: the weird I Love You, Ono song that was apparently in an HP ad while I was in Spain (where a cute girl from the Midwest played it for me while we waited for a delayed flight in the Madrid airport), and A Better Son/Daughter by Rilo Kiley (fueled heavily by the deliciously ironic Michigan football preview video of the season before set to this song).



WOW, THAT TOOK LONGER THAN THIRTY MINUTES. Another song nobody would expect me to like is the Paul Oakenfield remix of Starry-Eyed Surprise, it was the first song we'd play at our parties freshman year, almost forgot it. I could keep going, and I guess this was kind of fun, but I don't feel like I have a better understanding of my taste in music, except a further reinforcement that it's completely scatterbrained. If you somehow made it this far, congartulation! A winner is you!

11 December 2010

Awesome Business Idea

With a tip of the hat to my dear friend Edward in Cazenovia, my new business idea:

The Very Realistic Fortune Cookie Company™

What's a typical fortune say? Something like, "All of your family are well" -- an actual fortune I've received. And when I read that one, my dad was in the throes of a losing fight against cancer. Sorry, traditional, overly optimistic fortunes: YA DONE GOOFED.

Our premise is simple, really. Open up a fortune after one's Chinese-food meal, just like any other, except that our fortunes are more likely to resonate with the consumers. (Pun intended on that last word.)

For instance...
  • You'll probably never find whatever lofty vision of true happiness you have in your mind. LEARN CHINESE - 伤心 (sad)

  • Why bother saving money? The ex wife's taking half anyway, and these Miller High Lifes aren't going to pay for themselves. LEARN CHINESE - 贫穷 (poverty)

  • Odds are that you will get into a car accident in your lifetime. So if you haven't yet, you have that to look forward to. LEARN CHINESE - 恐慌 (panic)
  • No matter how much you diet and exercise, you'll probably never lose a significant amount of weight because you lack the willpower - just keep eating Chinese food. LEARN CHINESE - 意志 (willpower)

  • If you're very rich, you'll probably never be loved for who you really are. If you're very poor, you'll probably never be loved for you really are. LEARN CHINESE - 放弃 (give up)


What better way to end delicious meal of fried chicken and sodium than to read a fortune that will truly hit home?

And that's just to name a few fortunes - we'd hire a team of really depressing but clever people to write hundreds of unique, tantalizing fortunes. Feel free to provide suggestions; maybe we'll have a job for you!

The edible cookies themselves would remain the delicious subtle and understated sweets they've always been.

THE VERY REALISTIC FORTUNE COOKIE COMPANY™
Crushing dreams since 2010.


* - Just so we're clear, I'm only like 40% kidding about this idea. Investors, come hither!

15 November 2010

I hate ironing.

An incomplete list of things I'd prefer to do over attempting to iron a dress shirt:

  • Lick a cactus.

  • Have a snowball fight with Randy Johnson.

  • Write a poetic ode extolling the virtues of John Thompson III and Georgetown University.

  • Watch an episode of Sex and the City.

  • Watch two episodes of Sex and the City.

  • Eat a jar of mayonnaise.

  • Singe off all my body hair using a blowtorch.

  • Get chewed out by Jim Boeheim for ten minutes.

  • Ask Jim Calhoun about Ryan Gomes.

  • Munch on a nice hunk of tinfoil.

  • Pry my teeth out one by one with a rusty set of pliers.

  • Intentionally slam each of my fingers into a car door.

  • Hunker down for an all-day Tyler Perry movie marathon.

  • Count thousands of blades of grass, have some little kid come up and distract me about three quarters of the way through, and have to start over.


I can't think of any more. I don't like ironing, and I can't wait until I'm making 12 figures and I can just send my zillion-dollar shirts off to be dry cleaned every time I wear them.

14 November 2010

Employment?!

Well, I have a job now, selling MS products over the phone. This isn't glamorous but it will pay and pay is good and necessary right now. Raw sales experience is also supposed to be a fantastic thing for a resume.

Also, since it's not my dream job or anything, I still feel like I can do something exciting—move, travel, whatever–after I have some cash saved up. And I may have opportunity to advance; they've been hinting that they have another position in mind for me once I get my foot in the door.

So I'm excited about this. I have something to dedicate my time and energy to, something to sink my teeth into. I just want to do the best I can here and hopefully make a good impression.

I am trying to ditch these overly romantic notions that I need to be doing something "more" right now. I also need to stop living my life through someone else's eyes. If I live my life with integrity, cut a bit more of an assertive gene in myself, and do what I do passionately, I really do think things will turn out just fine for me in the long run. Sometimes, I'm not sure what to do with myself, but living for three years with someone else's wishes and desires always in mind... taking that away requires some getting used to.

03 November 2010

STINKY RESUME

Right or wrong, this is how I picture potential employers viewing my resume and cover letter...

26 October 2010

Career Check

I have nothing lined up job-wise right now, and while I was busy helping move my mom into a new place (and myself into the proverbial mom's basement), now we're settled in here and the job hunt has begun in earnest. At least I had a few thousand dollars worth of cushion saved up, but that will fade quickly; the only income I've had the past three weeks or so has come in the form of winning $150 by having the SU _9-WVU _4 square on a $2 board that hit three times on Saturday. (Offensive ineptitude, for the win.)

My tentative plan right now is to work this year, save up money however I can, and try to make a break for Spain next fall. Doing what, exactly over there, I am not sure -- the Spanish government's "Auxiliares culturales" (uh, "cultural helpers") program looks awesome, but part of me wants to do a program with some kind of teaching certification. Only issue there is that those cost money, and the Auxiliares one is free.

I don't have my heart completely set on Spain and I would go to South America, too, if the right opportunity presented itself. I am trying to keep any options open and apply for a bunch of different things. Although I already missed the Fulbright application period, that could be in play next year.

Basically, my head just hurts. I am ready to stop living at home but I'd be kind of stupid to just move out and start paying rent with no job lined up when my raison d'être this year is just to save up as much money as possible so I can have an excellent year traveling next year. Living at home is basically free, but I'm also 23 and I basically have nothing going for me in the 'Cuse.

One thing I really need to do is just form some dreams for my future, and to stop living my life for anyone else. It doesn't matter what other people think I can or should be doing. I don't need to be thinking in terms of how I want other people to view me, or how I think I want them to view me. I don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed of anything I'm doing. I'm a lonely, confused twenty-something and I think that's actually OK for a while. But while I'm getting things in order, I'd love to find some meaningful work and save up some money.

Just feeling overwhelmed and underwhelming, at the same time. A potent cocktail of discontent.

19 October 2010

At-Bat Music

Something I think about periodically, because I'm an idiot, is what my at-bat music would be were I to make the big leagues. According to MVP Baseball 2005, your at-bat music must fall into a predetermined category based on your race:

  • Latino players and American guys with Latin-sounding last names have some kind of salsa tune. No exceptions.
  • American black players get either a generic hip-hop beat or the Time ta Get Dirty song that was inescapable in the 2005 EA games. (PEEEEE-OPLE TIME TA GET DIRTAY PEEEE-OPLE TIME TA GET DIRTAY!!!!!!!!!)
  • White guys -- that's me! -- are apparently all rednecks and have this awful-sounding country thing.
  • Guess they didn't know what to do with the Asian players because they get a song from the game's soundtrack that actually doesn't sound like crap.

In real life, this pattern surprisingly breaks down, and you can pick whatever music you want. My ideas...


Abra Cadaver, by The Hives - Either a loop of the intro, or just as much of the song as they can play before I finish taking my sweet time getting to the batter's box. Up-tempo, awesome instrumentation, doesn't get old. The ideal choice, despite being more than a few years old. THEY TRIED TO STICK A DEAD BODY INSIDE OF ME!!!


Good Times Bad Times, by Led Zeppelin - Might be too sentimental and not quite quick enough, but I love this tune and, really, hard to go wrong with Led Zeppelin.


La raja de tu falda, by Estopa - If I were playing in low-low-low-low-A ball in Puerto Rico or something, or just trying to mess with people. This song is Spanish, not Latin American, but I don't think that would bother the producers of MVP Baseball 2005.


Blackest Eyes, by Porcupine Tree - This song has one of the dirtiest riffs I've ever heard, with great buildup, but it might start too slowly to be good at-bat music unless I could have it queued up, and I don't know if they're paying the stadium DJ enough for that. If I have a radio talk show someday -- sort of a dream of mine, to be honest -- this will be the intro music.


AND A FEW THAT WILL NOT FIRE ANYONE UP BUT WOULD BE HILARIOUS ANYWAY


New Age Girl, by Deadeye Dick - better known as "Mary Moon," the song from Dumb and Dumber. This song is inconceivably awful, but hardcore Dumb and Dumber fans are a special breed and this song can be fun to belt at the top of your lungs across European capital cities. Somehow, the "don't eat meat / but she sure like the bone" line didn't make it into the movie.


Dies irae from Verdi's Requiem mass - This is BADASS and would certainly be awesome, especially as a closer's intro music. I just don't know if the average, mainstream baseball fan is ready for an everyday player with choral music as his at-bat music. But tell me this wouldn't sort of freak the other team out, especially if they weren't expecting it.


This song. I probably haven't thought about this as long as I could have, but really, I can think of no worse song for the mood and purpose of at-bat music than this, although Ms. Leona Lewis and Radiohead's "No Surprises" are certainly worthy mentions as well.

08 October 2010

Instant Replay in Baseball

In light of a few bad calls during this week's Division Series -- namely, the supposed trap by Greg Golson of the Yankees against the Twins and Buster Posey's slide against the Braves -- there has been a lot of talk about instant replay in baseball. Bobby Cox and Bruce Bochy were both spouting off about replay in their press conferences last night, saying that there would be too many "arguments and red flags" and that it would "slow the game down."

I don't know how many times I have to say it: IT WON'T SLOW THE GAME DOWN IF YOU DON'T LET IT. Make rules about replay so it won't turn into a free-for-all where replays dominate the game (like the NFL).

My pet instant replay theory is this: Each team gets one challenge per game. Win or lose, you don't get to challenge another play that game.

This works on so many different levels. With only one challenge, chances are most of the time both teams will get through an entire game without using one. Why? Because it forces you to be judicious. Wasted your challenge on a close play at first with nobody on in the third inning? Sucks for you if there's a blown call against you when you're scoring the winning run in the ninth -- you already used your challenge. Since nobody wants to be that manager, chances are challenges will go unused more often than not.

At most, there will be two challenges per game (plus any close home run/foul calls, which should be automatically reviewed as they are now). If done efficiently -- either by an "eye-in-the-sky" umpire at the park or from a "Batcave" at MLB headquarters -- these reviews will be quick. There are plenty of other ways to trim significantly more time from baseball games outside of replays, including further limiting mound visits, penalizing pitchers or hitters who stall, and reducing warm-up toss times.

Additionally, contrary to what Cox and Bochy stated, the number of arguments (and their durations) will decrease. In the current system, after a bad call, the manager runs out of the dugout and screams at the umpire for a few minutes, gets tossed, makes a scene and takes his time leaving the field, and then the game goes on like nothing happened. With challenges, there won't be lengthy arguments. The manager will just toss his flag (or whatever) on the field before the next play, and the replay monitors will decide what the correct call is.

I have lots of specific situational rules for this -- namely, that you can't argue balls and strikes or things that would be blatantly uncorrectable -- but that's the basic framework. One challenge per team per game, win or lose. Home runs still reviewed automatically. Try to tell me that would slow the game down. Seriously.

30 September 2010

...

Moving twice in a month and dealing with a bit of an emotional trauma like things ending with Resident Girl. But now I have the world at my fingertips. I have to try to view this as an opportunity, whether or not I am sad as hell and confused about what the heck to do with my life. I need two things though: a hobby, and a passion. I have hobbies but not one productive thing I fall back on when bored aside from cruising the internet and reading sports crap and watching dumb videos. I need something that will further my education and quality of life. I like doing nothing but I can't always do nothing.

I need a passion, too, but I really don't know what to do there. I love the arts. I will write more later when I am not so drained.

24 September 2010

The New Workout Plan

I just finished a jog of four miles in 95º heat as a warmup for an 8-mile jaunt tomorrow and I feel pretty good about myself for it. This is something like the tenth week of my half-marathon training, and I can feel my knees starting to hate me -- especially since I also work a job where I am on my feet in uncomfortable shoes for 6-7 hours at a time. I am not signed up for a race and I am not really sure if I will be able to run the full 13.1 miles on the appointed day, but training has been a lot of fun and I've really started to love running.

This would have seemed impossible to me about four months ago, as I was out of shape and really hated running. But for whatever reason, a few months ago I decided I was tired of feeling fat and eating like crap. I wore my weight pretty well but my good metabolism was bound to betray me at some point and I wanted to avoid that before things got out of hand.

A few months later, I'd lost about 30 pounds (depending when you start counting from) and I've kept it off. I figure I should document this, not necessarily because I think I've done something revolutionary and I want to tell the world, but more for my own benefit five years from now when real life has caught up to me and I've put on weight and feel like crap again. So, for your enjoyment:

THE MOST AWESOME WEIGHT-LOSS PLAN EVER

My brother was getting really annoyed with me when I started shedding pounds because he had been trying to lose weight and hadn't. He asked me what I was doing and I told him: diet, and exercise. He had been doing neither, so I wasn't surprised that he hadn't lost weight. He ate whatever he wanted, including going out for fried chicken tenders and fries about three times a week, and never did anything physical. And really, in a way, my awesome weight-loss plan was that simple. Diet and exercise.

Diet
When I made the decision to start losing weight, I realized that I didn't really DO anything physical (more on that in a moment). Without using any complicated calorie calculators or keeping a food journal or anything, I was able to see that. I kept it simple and decided that I would just eat a lot less, and at least for breakfast and lunch, I would keep it mostly to fruit and yogurt. I was working a 9-5 desk job so controlling portions during the day was easy: If I didn't bring it to work, I couldn't eat it. I also tended to wake up really late so controlling breakfast portions was no problem -- usually all I had time to do was grab a banana on my way out the door and quickly throw together my fruit-and-yogurt lunch.

I also drank a lot of green tea during the day.

Most days, I would be starving when I got home. I'd grab a quick, very light snack if I knew I'd be eating late, or otherwise I'd just hold out until dinner. Dinner was a much larger meal, and I aimed for some kind of protein (meat and/or beans), carbohydrate (rice, potatoes, or pasta), and vegetable. I tried to control portions and just eat my fill, which actually became easier the less I ate and the more I got used to my diet. Even though consuming most of your calories in one large meal is supposedly the exact opposite of what you want to do when you're dieting, I didn't have the restraint necessary to keep from eating big meals during the day, too. The moral there, I guess, is do what you need to do to keep from eating too much.

Most of the time, I'd have a glass of wine or two with or after dinner and maybe a SMALL bowl of ice cream. The nice thing was, portion control wasn't that hard because you actually remember what it feels like to be hungry, and of course, what it feels like to be full, instead of drifting all day in this nebulous "well, I COULD eat" phase (where you usually do, because why not).

I didn't deprive myself of foods I like, really, but I will say that after returning from Spain, really greasy and fatty food hasn't appealed to me that much. (The few fast-food burgers I have had in the 10 months since have left me feeling like I took a hook to the stomach from Sonny Holmes [yes, I know that's not a real boxer, but it makes sense to someone out there]). So that probably helped. But when I'd go out to eat, I'd just kind of eat whatever. I didn't go out a lot, but once a week I did go to my favorite bar in the Syracuse area and order a big ol' plate of "Scotchos" and chicken wings with one of my best friends, so there was that.


Exercise

I once heard that, when working out, you should "do what you hate the most." It might have been "do what you fear the most," but the message is the same either way because you would probably fear doing what you hate more than anything else.

I followed that advice and decided to try to start running. Any time I've ever belonged to or had access to a gym, it hasn't worked out because I've lacked the willpower to drive myself over there, shower after, change, etc. It's an ordeal. Running, though, is free. You can do it anywhere. You don't have to drive anywhere. You can shower in your own shower afterward and you can use your own towel. And you burn more calories per [time or distance unit of choice] than anything else. So I ran.

But part of the reason I chose to run was because I hate running. I had never run more than one mile in any one session, those miles were only done for school, and I had never finished in under about 8:45.

When I started running, I sucked. But I knew I sucked, so I decided to just run loops around my house. (I lived on a circular street about 0.4 miles in circumference.) I started slowly, trying to run a loop then walk a loop, doing as many as I could handle (or shooting for about 30-40 minutes) and making an effort to run at least as much as I walked. Over weeks, I crept up to run 1.5 loops walk 0.5 loops, and then I was trying to push myself by starting and ending my sessions with 2-loop runs. I was getting better but I never really thought I could do any sort of distance training (back to that soon).

I aimed to run three days a week, usually Monday/Wednesday/Friday but sometimes Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday. Whenever I did it, I tried to give myself a day's rest in between runs so I wouldn't get injured. (I should also mention I didn't kill myself trying to stretch every muscle in my body and simply stretched out a bit after my run, before I got in the shower.) On the other days, I sometimes took a short walk with my mom. I always, however, did pushups (and later, I added crunches as well). I started training with the hundredpushups program around the same time I started running. The workouts don't take long. While it's months later and I've kind of fallen behind and still haven't "done the hundred," I do pushups and situps every week and it's a nice way to keep active and build muscle on the days I'm not running. I feel a lot stronger in my upper body, my biceps have grown, and my chest has gotten tighter.

Eventually, I went for a run with Resident Girl (returning from her hiatus as Girl and before she became Resident Girl) and she said that I seemed like I was in good enough shape to start training for a half-marathon using the same program she had successfully finished in the spring. So, I did, and since I had already been sort of working my way into it for about 6-8 weeks, it wasn't difficult to get into, even though I had never tried running much more than 0.8 miles prior to starting the program.


Honestly, that's about it.

As I got into the training, I still ate well, and didn't eat as much as I used to, but I did recognize that as the runs got longer, I needed more calories in my body so I would eat slightly bigger lunches on run days (or carb-heavy dinners the nights before). Not that much more food, though. I would try to eat a piece of fruit in the afternoon a few hours before my run to give me some fuel (and as a snack to tide me over until dinner and give me some energy in the meantime). I still try to make healthy decisions, I don't drink that much, and I try not to eat out of the house as much as I used to. (Seriously, if you told me before I lost this weight that I'd be living within two miles of a McDonald's, a Burger King, a Domino's, a Pizza Hut with lunch buffet, an all-you-can-eat Indian food buffet, a Chipotle, a Taco Bell, and a Wegmans with a sub shop, and that a month into living here, I'd only been to Chipotle twice and Taco Bell once, I would have laughed in your face. Most of that food doesn't appeal to me that much anymore.) I buy lots of veggies and fruit to munch on, I have cheap granola cereal with lowfat yogurt most days for breakfast, and I snack on chips and hummus.

I'm out of gas here and need to shower before work, but I'm glad I got this on the record so I can kick my fat ass back into shape five years from now.