General mind dump 22:38

• It bothers me when people don't add target="new" to their links on blogs or whatever; that just strikes me as lazy web design. I don't want my links to open in the same window/tab as the thing I'm trying to read because I'll lose my place. Resident Girl thinks that it's better without target="new" because "you can just press backspace" to get back to where you were, which I disagree with completely. I have made such a habit of opening links with "Open link in new tab..." because I don't even like to tempt fate and find out whether or the current site is a target="new" fan or not.
  
  
• The most common grammatical error I see online is a complete ignorance of the difference between "its" and "it's". Lots of blogs are offenders, but one of the worst also happens to be one of my favorite sites. This is so exceedingly simple and there are so many grammatical mix-ups that are more complicated than this that most people nail. It's = it is. Without going into any sort of lecture about what a contraction or a possessive pronoun is, one can learn the difference that simply. If you could substitute "it is" for the word, use "it's". Otherwise, use "its" (which is the possessive). It's time to put this book back in its place.
  
  (Note: I would be a horrible example-sentence writer for a textbook, but we used to like coming up with nonsensical word problems. "Jonah has three red marbles, seven blue marbles, and one green marble in his pocket. If Marty rarely bathes, what time will the train reach Poughkeepsie?" Of course, Netflix ripped this off with their "bonus round" radio commercials, which don't seem to live on YouTube.)
  
  
• I am afraid when I write cover letters that, if I punctuate some compound noun or adjective correctly, the person on the other end might not know correct hyphenation rules and mistakenly think that I hyphenated incorrectly. You know, that didn't sound as conceited when I was thinking it.
  
  
• What's Britney doing with her life?
  
  
• So glad I can finally dust off the ol' "hyphens" tag
  
  
• On the front of an old record album I bought, there was a singer listed as "Dick Hyman." This is sort of an old record so it was probably made back when there were actually still people named Dick without a shred of irony, but... come on. You have to laugh at that. My mom did, so I didn't feel as silly or immature.

Where to work?! 21:13

Free blogging time! Want to bring this sucker back to life—again—but not sure what to do so whatever comes to mind will be written. (It is written.)

I've moved to a new city, once again far beyond the Vale of Onondaga, and I'm looking for a job. Not as fun as it sounds. I'm starting to feel a bit like the Wagon Fulla Pancakes and the Cheat as down-on-your-luck salesmen with all the rejections I'm getting. Actually, I'm not getting rejected. I'm getting nothing. I guess it's easier to just ignore something this day and age, where everything is done via email or fax, but it's frustrating no less. I've been applying to places all summer and have gotten nothing. I'm at the point where I would love an email back—any email back.

Dear Applicant:

Are you serious with this resume? Financial intern? What the hell does that even mean? You graduated with a useless degree for this position, you have no relevant experience, and we have no interest in ever hiring you, or even so much as hearing from you again. Ever. If you so much as attempt to contact our office regarding this opening, we will have our friends Sal and Vito pay you and your family a visit. If we were you, we'd just drop dead, you worthless sack of crap.

Respectfully,
Some Hiring Manager

THAT EMAIL WOULD MAKE MY DAY BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT SOMEONE HAS READ AND CONSIDERED MY APPLICATION. In addition to responding to every conceivable anonymous post on craigslist (jobs section only, not getting freaky), I've started driving around and just looking for "Help Wanted" signs. Crude, but effective. It's hard to straight-up ignore someone who's in your face asking for an application, but it is easy to feign a language barrier if you work in a Japanese restaurant*. Based on what I've found and applied for... or something...

JOB OPTIONS

• Dollar Tree (or, as Ms. Junkins called it, the "DS")
  PROS
  Getting to secretly make fun of every customer for being poor;
  It's right down the street—don't know if that bodes well for where I live or not;
  Employee discount!!! Hello, Fig Newtons for only 72¢!
  
  CONS
  General Dollar Tree stench;
  Only sell off-brand Oreos;
  No quality, American-made merchandise in there!
  
  
  
• GameStop
  PROS
  Employee discount—seriously this time. I could buy all the Insane Clown Posse crap I want, and it'd probably be, like, part of my job to play the latest games, man;
  The place is air-conditioned and it closes at the reasonable hour of 21:00 (and doesn't open until like 11:00);
  I could embrace my inner geek and do things like play the Final Fantasy XIII battle-music French-horn lick without fear of societal repercussions (not that I'd ever do that, even in private)...
  
  CONS
  The general Creatures that inhabit that place—have you ever spent any time in there? It's not good, and they tend to try to make the clerks their best friend;
  Midnight releases of select titles would cause me to come home late at night, reeking of Red Bull and Slim Jims to boot;
  I would become bitter and look at my customers as caricatures of their actual selves as I judge through my preconceived notions (obviously, as it's already started)
  
  
  
• Some law firm I applied to on craigslist that didn't give out its name
  PROS
  Probably get paid pretty well as a paralegal/secretary/clerk-type dealie-o;
  All the legal pads I could ever want (which is huge for me);
  Poder hablar en español si es necesario
  
  CONS
  Knowing that any one single coworker will probably make more money any given day than I'll make in a year;
  Knowing that any one single coworker will probably make more money any given year than I'll make in a decade;
  Becoming resigned to this fact and starting a life as a career secretary for rich dudes
  
  
  
• The local, big-city Symphony Orchestra
  PROS
  Getting to be around something I love and have a passion for;
  Free concerts from an amazing performing group;
  Working in the city proper, giving me a real local flavor;
  Getting to work WITH people and not FOR them or in their assistance
  
  CONS
  Working with INCONSIDERATE JERKS WHO DO NOT REPLY TO CALLS OR EMAILS NO I'M NOT BITTER
  
  
  
• The Airport
  PROS
  Perpetually singing the airport action-scene music from Dumb and Dumber like we did in Europe when we were late for a flight;
  Being somewhere where people openly expect to be miserable and have to deal with horrible customer service, thus greatly lowering expectations for me and my coworkers;
  Airplane jokes!
  
  CONS
  Perpetually thinking that I'm the very personification of Guster's Airport Song (ignore the weird music video)—"you'll be sellin' books at the airport"... ¡Viva Hudson News!
  Dealing with stressed-out travelers;
  Having to constantly remember whether or not "travelers" has one or two L's
  

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There are lots more but I'm about spent here. Any awesome suggestions for where I should work?


* - yes, I know the Seinfeld host is Chinese.