At-Bat Music

Something I think about periodically, because I'm an idiot, is what my at-bat music would be were I to make the big leagues. According to MVP Baseball 2005, your at-bat music must fall into a predetermined category based on your race:

• Latino players and American guys with Latin-sounding last names have some kind of salsa tune. No exceptions.
• American black players get either a generic hip-hop beat or the Time ta Get Dirty song that was inescapable in the 2005 EA games. (PEEEEE-OPLE TIME TA GET DIRTAY PEEEE-OPLE TIME TA GET DIRTAY!!!!!!!!!)
• White guys -- that's me! -- are apparently all rednecks and have this awful-sounding country thing.
• Guess they didn't know what to do with the Asian players because they get a song from the game's soundtrack that actually doesn't sound like crap.

In real life, this pattern surprisingly breaks down, and you can pick whatever music you want. My ideas...

Abra Cadaver, by The Hives - Either a loop of the intro, or just as much of the song as they can play before I finish taking my sweet time getting to the batter's box. Up-tempo, awesome instrumentation, doesn't get old. The ideal choice, despite being more than a few years old. THEY TRIED TO STICK A DEAD BODY INSIDE OF ME!!!

Good Times Bad Times, by Led Zeppelin - Might be too sentimental and not quite quick enough, but I love this tune and, really, hard to go wrong with Led Zeppelin.

La raja de tu falda, by Estopa - If I were playing in low-low-low-low-A ball in Puerto Rico or something, or just trying to mess with people. This song is Spanish, not Latin American, but I don't think that would bother the producers of MVP Baseball 2005.

Blackest Eyes, by Porcupine Tree - This song has one of the dirtiest riffs I've ever heard, with great buildup, but it might start too slowly to be good at-bat music unless I could have it queued up, and I don't know if they're paying the stadium DJ enough for that. If I have a radio talk show someday -- sort of a dream of mine, to be honest -- this will be the intro music.

AND A FEW THAT WILL NOT FIRE ANYONE UP BUT WOULD BE HILARIOUS ANYWAY

New Age Girl, by Deadeye Dick - better known as "Mary Moon," the song from Dumb and Dumber. This song is inconceivably awful, but hardcore Dumb and Dumber fans are a special breed and this song can be fun to belt at the top of your lungs across European capital cities. Somehow, the "don't eat meat / but she sure like the bone" line didn't make it into the movie.

Dies irae from Verdi's Requiem mass - This is BADASS and would certainly be awesome, especially as a closer's intro music. I just don't know if the average, mainstream baseball fan is ready for an everyday player with choral music as his at-bat music. But tell me this wouldn't sort of freak the other team out, especially if they weren't expecting it.

This song. I probably haven't thought about this as long as I could have, but really, I can think of no worse song for the mood and purpose of at-bat music than this, although Ms. Leona Lewis and Radiohead's "No Surprises" are certainly worthy mentions as well.