Career Check

I have nothing lined up job-wise right now, and while I was busy helping move my mom into a new place (and myself into the proverbial mom's basement), now we're settled in here and the job hunt has begun in earnest. At least I had a few thousand dollars worth of cushion saved up, but that will fade quickly; the only income I've had the past three weeks or so has come in the form of winning $150 by having the SU _9-WVU _4 square on a $2 board that hit three times on Saturday. (Offensive ineptitude, for the win.)

My tentative plan right now is to work this year, save up money however I can, and try to make a break for Spain next fall. Doing what, exactly over there, I am not sure -- the Spanish government's "Auxiliares culturales" (uh, "cultural helpers") program looks awesome, but part of me wants to do a program with some kind of teaching certification. Only issue there is that those cost money, and the Auxiliares one is free.

I don't have my heart completely set on Spain and I would go to South America, too, if the right opportunity presented itself. I am trying to keep any options open and apply for a bunch of different things. Although I already missed the Fulbright application period, that could be in play next year.

Basically, my head just hurts. I am ready to stop living at home but I'd be kind of stupid to just move out and start paying rent with no job lined up when my raison d'être this year is just to save up as much money as possible so I can have an excellent year traveling next year. Living at home is basically free, but I'm also 23 and I basically have nothing going for me in the 'Cuse.

One thing I really need to do is just form some dreams for my future, and to stop living my life for anyone else. It doesn't matter what other people think I can or should be doing. I don't need to be thinking in terms of how I want other people to view me, or how I think I want them to view me. I don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed of anything I'm doing. I'm a lonely, confused twenty-something and I think that's actually OK for a while. But while I'm getting things in order, I'd love to find some meaningful work and save up some money.

Just feeling overwhelmed and underwhelming, at the same time. A potent cocktail of discontent.