¡Organízate! 23:24

The post title* is the title of chapter 2 of my first Spanish book—"Get organized!"—and seems fitting now that I am working in both Spanish and English every day, preparing rough but accurate translations to and from both languages. After I dropped my music major I picked a Spanish major because I wanted something that would be practical in the job market. "A marketable skill" was my catchphrase in that regard. For most of the year following graduation I thought that my Spanish major wouldn't do me a lick of good and that it was no better than any other liberal arts degree... but almost a year to the day later, dammit, it has paid off.

I am going to try to write a little something - even if only a few sentences, a link, or a dumb sports take - every day. It's a little frustrating because I do want to write for an audience, but I also think that personal essay writing / journal writing is completely worthless if you're not completely honest. I will try to paint an accurate portrait of my life and share some anecdotes without completely incriminating myself - not in the sense that I'm doing anything illegal, but just because there are things you don't want kicking around the internet.

Like the 30-song challenge - and I inadvertently skipped one and only ended up with 29, I realized, but I threw in lots of extras, too - I was inspired tonight by a list. This one is not so much a call to action but rather a list of 50 "Life Secrets and Tips" I saw posted on Facebook. I like a lot of these and I'm going to comment on some of the ones that piqued my interested in one way or another.

Memorize something everyday.
Not only will this leave your brain sharp and your memory functioning, you will also have a huge library of quotes to bust out at any moment. Poetry, sayings and philosophies are your best options.

Easy. Doing translations, even though my command of both English and Spanish is fantastic, my Spanish is slightly on the rusty side, and I am constantly dealing with vocabulary and phrases I have next to no prior experience with. I am learning many new words and phrases every day. Looking something up multiple times in a day is a helpless feeling and I should probably start a notebook of new words.

Develop an endless curiosity about this world.
Become an explorer and view the world as your jungle. Stop and observe all of the little things as completely unique events. Try new things. Get out of your comfort zone and try to experience as many different environments and sensations as possible. This world has so much to offer, so why not take advantage of it?

I like this. I already strive for this.

Get fit!

Duh, done that, and continuing to do that.

Learn to focus only on the present.

Even more specifically, live in THIS moment.

Don’t take life so seriously!

These things are a bit trite but they're also really important. The past is over and the future is a consequence of what you do today. Like I said, I've been in a bit of a rut, but one thing that can help anyone live a positive lifestyle is to not be afraid to laugh at one's self. That's a major change I've made over the last year or so, and it's for the better.

Read books.

Biggest personal goal when I move into my own place is to develop and mow through a reading list. Honestly, I love my computer and I love reading about dumb sports crap, but after staring at a computer screen for 9 hours at work, the last thing I want to see when I get home is a computer, and sports seem to be becoming slightly less important to me. There are only so many hours in a day, and only so many things you can care about. I want to be literate and well-read. I have a reputation of work of "exuding intelligence" which is nice and all but I can't really live up to that sometimes in good conscience. (The "Make it Mad" article I linked to months ago was something of a transformation for me, a landmark... this thing may be a wakeup call too.)

Be honest at all times.

Always. I hate lying and I hate when people lie. I don't mean that in an icy, backhanded way like you'd see on a 16-year-old's Facebook status. I literally just mean that I get this horrible knot in my stomach whenever I try to tell a lie or be dishonest (when it isn't just something silly) and I don't understand how others can get that feeling and still do it. (My guess is many of them don't.)

Figure out what your goals and dreams are.

Getting there. I have had a Sticky note open on my Mac's desktop for months and some of the stuff is really outdated - lists of chores from December - but one thing that's stayed and is still relevant is "LONG TERM GOALS," which reads "Travel, higher education, family." None of that's changing and I hope that with the new job I can realize all of those to a greater extent.

Be the person that makes others feel special.

Develop a charismatic personality.

My father had these qualities. Despite being somewhat quiet and careful with his words, that only added to his perceived sense of intelligence and wit, because he only spoke up when he had something clever or smart to say. And when I'm rolling - what I call "New Benny J" - I do feel like I have the ability to be the life of the party. I try so hard to listen well and empathize but I don't know if I have or will ever have that special quality that pertains to the former point, where people walk away from a conversation with me and feel better than they did before. That was what my dad did and it was obvious by the way all his acquaintances came out of the woodwork when he was ill. It was during that time that I resolved to strive to be like him and I think I am doing fine, but I just have to keep trying to lead the best life I can.

Do what you love.

The things I love are simple: tea and good coffee, running, playing the horn, laughing with friends, and great beer and wine. I try to do all of those regularly. Tea and coffee, yes. Black tea and espresso never cease to put a smile on my face. Ever. Running, yes. Laughing, yes. Beer, yes. Wine and horn? Not as much as I'd prefer. But I am going to be playing horn in the local town band and also in the Town's production of West Side Story (for a CHALLENGING change of pace), so I will be doing more of what I love. I enjoy practicing and I might get back into trying to play every day or at least a few times a week. (Feel free to buy me some wine and I'll be back into that too.)

Come up with a life mantra.

Mine changes over time. "Good to go" is what my Facebook said for a long time. "Comity" is what it says now. Both are great. "Swing the bat, puss" was last year's and it worked for a while but kind of betrayed me, though I still crack up when I think about it.

Meditate.

Taking some quiet time away from the warming glow of the computer screen and my awesome new smartphone would be fantastic. This might be a before-bed kind of thing, though doing so during my lunch would work too. It's just hard to manage serenity in the middle of the city, especially one where it never stops raining.



That's about all I have. This was quite introspective and not at all funny but this blog has never had a clear direction so I'm not sure what it really SHOULD look like.

* - I always read and learned that a title is best written last, because only when you're finished with a piece will you truly know exactly what it's about, and you don't want your writing to be married to a title if your writing changes course. So this was not a best practice. BWWFAI? (That is my attempt at starting an internet acronym, BTW, FYI. IMHO it's a good one.)

New Beginning, Lame Title 23:34

Just when I was starting to get fed up with my dinky sales job, thinking that the opportunity for advancement I signed up for wasn't really there and looking for other work, the phone call came. I took a very last-minute trip to Rochester and met my new boss face-to-face for the first time, and after about two hours we essentially had a handshake deal in place for a new position to be created for me at my company.

I could not be happier about this opportunity. I have been living at home almost non-stop since the middle of my sophomore year. While I have no regrets about being there for my family after my dad got sick and passed away, I'm getting up there in years. Aside from my first year and a half of college and the Post-Apocalyptic Baltimore Era, I've been a homebody. It's time to start my own life. It's time to buck up and be responsible and do big person things like shop for groceries and regular laundry and cleaning. I just have the itch and unless something catastrophic happens, I'll be afforded the opportunity with this position.

Since this position is more or less remote and I'll be dealing with people all over the world, I could essentially do it from anywhere. My company is giving me a desk in Syracuse but I have been told I could work from home or just about anywhere as long as things are getting done. I like that because it probably means I could theoretically relocate - either for a change of scenery, to pursue a Master's full-time-ish elsewhere, or fully immerse myself in a Spanish-speaking society. I've been told my "español es muy español," which makes sense given that I studied in Spain, but I will need to brush up on my Latin American colloquialisms.

I am not sure what I want to do - if I want to try to move in with some friend(s) or just get a small apartment for myself. Sometimes I worry that if I lived alone I wouldn't get out enough, especially if I lived in the city and farther away from most of my friends here on the east side, but at the same time, this homebody thinking is what I'm trying to get away from. Some people I know who live/have lived alone have led pretty lonely existences, but I don't know if that would be me. (I could always find a roommate if things did get bad.) There's also the question of neighborhood. Though rent is higher, I'd love to be downtown and within easy walking distance of work.

A few of my good friends are moving away and it bums me out. I feel like before too long most of my Syracusan friends will be moving on. I don't want to live here forever, either - I'd like to have a stint in a big city before I settle down knock on wood - but if I'm here in Syracuse I'll need to try to create some new roots too. I have these romantic ideals for what my life will be like if I'm living alone in the city. Posh, urbane, chic, and other adjectives a straight guy in his 20s should never use to describe himself. That will probably all go to shit within weeks. But then again, who knows. I've affected positive change in my own life before, and it could happen again.

This was a hilarious entry, I know. I have been feeling inexplicably tense today so I just wanted to take some time and write. I am not sure if I feel better following this exercise - been in a rut lately - but we're inching closer. Fingers remained crossed. Even though this gig seems like a done deal, nothing's official until the offer's in my hands.

Thirty-Minute Song Challenge 22:55

I used to love doing those goofy chain letter-type survey things, where they'd ask garbage like "What kind of ice cream did you last eat?" and try to goad you into revealing ridiculously personal information.

Those didn't die with Myspace and AIM profiles, and seem to live on to some extent on Facebook. I've seen this thirty-day song challenge on Facebook, and while this kind of thing isn't really my scene anymore, I do like the idea of this because I have a weird and goofy taste in music, and I'd like to give some thought to the music that's had an impact on me.

I lack, however, both the time and motivation in the morning to think of, write about, and link to each song every day for thirty days, so I'm just going to do it all now and post it here. I'm going to go off the board a little bit when there are multiple songs in mind, but we'll see how I do.


thirty day song challenge

1. your favorite song
   This is a really difficult one to start out with. I was thinking about this for a while and don't know if I just have one "favorite song"... which seems a little silly, given that everyone has a favorite song. There are just so many considerations. My mood at a given time, the "song's" genre, how you really define favorite. For the purposes of this exercise, I'll try to stick with songs (with or without words but not classical pieces). I guess for lack of a clear, standout, slam-dunk favorite song, I'll go with my current favorite song, MGMT - Time to Pretend. It's a fun song with over the top lyrics, but I think it's appropriate for a twenty-something just trying to rock out and have some fun.
   


2. your least-favorite song
   Also very difficult to pick. I have so greatly disliked so many songs and bands over the years, picking one least-favorite song is very tough. So, if I were doing this on Facebook, I'd probably pick some jokey answer like the Notre Dame Fight Song and be on with it.
   


3. a song that makes you happy
   This, to me, is very close to "favorite song," although obviously less specific because it can be any song that makes me happy. My favorite songs tend to be those that make me happy. (Isn't that really your favorite anything? The one from which you derive the most pleasure?) I've already picked some hipstery electo-pop nonsense for #1 so I'll stay away from the awesome song I was tempted to pick and instead say Arcade Fire - Wake Up, which is something of a trite choice (or would have been three years ago), but given that this song marks the end of the week on the Dan Patrick Show and leads up to the DECA-YEAH on Jim Rome... it can't be beat.
   


4. a song that makes you sad
   Track 3 from Sigur Rós ( ) album, unofficially titled "Samskeyti" (meaning "Attachment"), makes me very sad. I listened to this song a lot when my dad was sick, especially on the eve of my 21st birthday, when things really took a serious and sudden turn for the worse. It's a yearning and beautiful song, with a very typically Sigur Rós minimalist sound.
   


5. a song that reminds you of someone
   Despite Brown-Eyed Girl being one of the most overdone karaoke songs of all time, this song actually reminds me of a good family friend who passed away far too young after a grueling battle with skin cancer. I remember him playing this song on his guitar when we went on vacation. It makes me sad but those are good memories, too.
   


6. a song that reminds you of somewhere
   You would think that there would be a lot of songs that remind me specifically of one place, but it's not really so. There are a few that remind me of Spain, but I've referenced them in this space already. Most of the songs I like I've been listening to for so long that they don't remind me of anywhere in particular anymore. One of the only things I've been listening to recently that reminds me of a specific place is Tudo Bem by the Brazilian funk-rock band Garotas Suecas (i.e., "Swedish girls"). I discovered this band thanks to NPR during the Post-Apocalyptic Baltimore Era and I still associate it with the long and hot afternoons spent in the apartment there, hunched under the air-conditioning vent, looking for work or relaxing after a run. That actually happened. So weird.
   


7. a song that reminds you of a certain event
   Too easy. Is there one song that sticks out from the #r20bc - also known as the Route 20 Limo Bar Crawl - more than WEIGHSON SHERBERT, the Jim Rome Show's take on Lady Gaga's Paparazzi? If you say yes, you weren't there or you're lying. #gettinslizzard
   


8. a song that you know all the words to
   I am horrible at song lyrics and even my very favorite songs I trip up on. That makes this an easy pick. The only song I know all of the words to, almost without hesitation, is All Star by Smash Mouth, a favorite of Benny J's since circa fall 1999. This is my late-night karaoke standby because everyone knows it and it's easy to sing.
   


9. a song that you can dance to
   Another easy one. I am a horrible dancer. I can do the Macarena, of course, as any good child of the 90s can, but the dance at the end of this hilariously over-the-topRainbow Road Song was performed to perfection in dance clubs across continental Europe by my friend Alberto and me during my time in Spain.
   


10. a song that makes you fall asleep
    This is a hard one because I really don't listen to music when I'm trying to sleep. Unless the hum of the fan I keep on my bedside during the night to provide white noise and cool the room counts as a song, I don't know if I have a good answer. I had an awfully hard time staying awake during the interminable slow movement of Mahler 4 (too lazy to find a good clip) this summer, so let's just forget about my self-imposed no classics rule and go with that.
    


11. a song from your favorite band
    Favorite band, like favorite song, is difficult to narrow down. I guess I have to go with Ben Folds in some incarnation, though, as I've seen him live a few times and I have consistently enjoyed his music since about 8th grade. (For the record, I didn't really like Songs for Silverman but I think I enjoyed Way to Normal more than most.) Which Ben Folds song? I guess Army for the fond memories of singing the background vocals during the concerts.
    


12. a song from a band you hate
    As much as I hate Creed and most Nickelback, hating those bands is too MAINSTREAM, man. I need to hate a band that understands my preteen angst that I was feeling circa 2003. I'm sorry but I really don't think that this song or its band, Bowling for Soup, have many redeeming qualities. There are so many good choices.
    BONUS SONG: I wrote a while back about at-bat music and M and I were discussing this again recently, and we were trying to come up with truly horrible at-bat music, but not bad in that it shits on the concept of at-bat music (like my girl Sinéad), but more like a song that only a really lame person would think is cool. It's almost impossible to describe this genre, but you know when you hear one. M came up with Smooth, by Rob Thomas with Santana, which is perfect. My vote would be for any Creed song not chosen ironically, or maybe something like Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down. Suggestions?
    


13. a song that is a guilty pleasure
    So I guess this is a song that I'm not "supposed" to like based on my taste or social mores or whatever but actually love. This is a difficult list to put together, because I try not to really apologize for anything that I like... but I think Everytime [ugh] We Touch by CASCADA has to count. I guess it's not a guilty pleasure that I like this song. I typically like dance and light techno and even some J-Pop, especially with a 90s-ish twinge like this song. The guilty pleasure is HOW MUCH I like this song. I go nuts when this comes on. When mixed with alcohol, the results may be lethal or result in the greatest dancing you've ever seen.
    


14. a song that no one would expect you to love
    This is kind of the same as the last one. I understand the distinction, but again, to me, they carry basically the same kind of meaning. I really love Hey Ya by OutKast and I think anyone could and should love this song, but like with the last song, I really love it and that's the surprising part.
    


15. a song that describes you
    My hands are tied here; there's only one song I can pick. Years ago, a good friend decided he was going to ascribe songs to all of us based on our personalities. Given my somewhat neurotic and self-depreciating tendencies at the time. I was the first one assigned a song and I ended up with Puddle of Mudd's classic, She Hates Me, which I think I had coming. (Note: Linking to the Richard Cheese version of the song because the actual rendition is so awful. A song that uses the lyrics "trust" (as a sentence) and "shit went sour" is really not my type.)
    


16. a song that you hear often on the radio
    Born This Way by the fair dame Gaga. Every goddamn time I leave the house. I think this is the worst and least-inventive single she's come out with - I like Lady Gaga generally - and it's a double bummer because I always think it's going to be another song. #genericchordprogressions
    


17. a song that you wish you heard on the radio
    I am not sure what this means. I wish that I still heard this song on the radio, though, on a daily basis. This, of course, being Lust for Life by Iggy Pop, the Jim Rome Show's theme song. (Honorable mention to the Boomtown Rats.)
    


18. a song from your favorite album
    "Favorite album" implies my favorite album to be taken at one time, as a complete work of art. I am having a hard time choosing between two albums, so I'll just cop out and choose both. Exit Music (For A Film) by Radiohead (off of OK Computer) and Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels) by Arcade Fire (off of the still-unmatched Funeral). Both songs have parenthetical titles, both are a little mellow or sad, and both are awesome tracks on awesome albums. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?
    


19. a song you listen to when you're angry
    When you are either falling in or out of love, you feel like every song about love or about breakups was written ESPECIALLY FOR YOU. I still remember listening to Mr Brightside by The Killers causing a moment of shared jealous anger/disbelief with a friend of mine while we were at work when the song first came out. We'd both come off shaky breakups and we rocked out to this song. It gets my vote of "Best Pop Song of the Decade" even though it wasn't specifically a pop song, whatever. (See the last sentence of the last song's post.)
    


20. a song you listen to when you're happy
    There are all kinds of different songs I'll listen to when I'm happy. (Maybe now would be a good time for the caveat that I probably should have listed a while ago: I probably don't sit around and just listen to music as much as most people.) If I'm excited it will be one thing, if I'm content, another. Who knows. I always like listening to Guster when I'm in a good mood because it's mostly upbeat music with bright vocals and instrumentals. Ramona always makes me happy. (I also usually start out every road trip with Rock by Lexicon, from Harold and Kumar, so this was the other song I almost picked. The instrumental is awesome and would be good radio bumper music.)
    


21. a song you listen to when you're sad
    A great, great teacher of mine once told me that he likes music that stings a little bit, so he tends to like minor keys and things like that. When I am sad, I feel that way too, and sometimes like to just completely indulge in it. Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap is a really beautiful song rife with tasteful dissonance and melodramatic themes. Good one for a rainy day. And worth a listen if you've never heard it (or if you've only heard the crappy hip-hop sample of the bridge).
    


22. a song that you want to play at your wedding
    For my mom, I'd want to play Willie Nelson's rendition of Always on My Mind, since it was my parents' wedding song. She would cry and I would cry but it would have to be played, I think!
    


23. a song that you want to play at your funeral
    That's a bit morose. I don't know if that's something I want to spend a lot of time thinking about. I guess the slow movement of Beethoven's Seventh would be an appropriate choice just because it's dark and powerful and it's from maybe my favorite symphony, but if I had to choose something that wasn't featured in Mr Holland's Opus, uh... how about a New Orleans funeral? I'm not even kidding. Don't sit around and mope about me, I hope that I lead a good life worth celebrating and reminiscing about over cocktails and food. Just a Closer Walk with Thee. (Not necessarily that version but I love Patsy Cline.)
    


24. a song that makes you laugh
    The Limp Bizkit Medley of Nookie and Breakstuff is the funniest thing Richard Cheese has ever done, as far as I'm concerned. This song just completely lampoons the concept of Limp Bizkit and does it so well. I love the vamp section where he addresses the audience. Richard Cheese's rendition of Radiohead's "Creep" is also hilarious - I wrote a term paper about it my last semester in school. Weird Al's "Pretty Fly for a Rabbi" only gets better with age (and of course "Albuquerque" and "Amish Paradise" and "White and Nerdy"). I don't know if I can count Santana Shreds but yeah, that too. And THIS from San Francisco Rush. I love to laugh so lots of songs make me laugh.
    


25. a song that you can play on an instrument
    That's a tough one because... I mean how much of the song do I have to be able to play? A little brass background lick or solo? Then there are lots of songs I can play. Carrying a melody and singing, using a guitar or piano? Ehhhhh... I kind of taught myself to play a much-reduced version of Sola by Enanitos Verdes on piano because I love the chord progression (and lyrics, for that matter), so let's go with that. My favorite thing to perform on my actual instrument is probably the first Strauss Horn Concerto, though.
    


26. a song that you wish you could play
    You could knock any woman off her feet if you could play and sing this well.
    


27. a song that makes you feel guilty
    Guilty. I don't know. I actively try to avoid feeling guilty; I can't stand lying, or really even being more than mildly dishonest, because I absolutely hate feeling guilty. It absolutely eats me up. Not trying to say I should be beatified for that, but it's the truth. If we're being honest here, I guess Pomplamoose's rendition of Lady Gaga's Telephone makes me feel a little guilty because I tend to try very hard to get in touch with people when they're upset with me, even if they do not want to talk. (Actively trying to defuse conflict.) Every time that happens, I feel guilty and stupid for trying so hard and coming off desperate. I love this Pomplamoose tune, though!
    


28. a song from your childhood
    I don't know how far back to go with my childhood but I guess I'll go all the way back... the first song I definitely remember hearing on the radio was U Can't Touch This (and if I need to list the artist, we have a problem). I was probably... four? Maybe five? On my way to pre-school in a friend's mom's car, this came out. It was a sunny day and it was as we were leaving the neighborhood. Some things stay with you so vividly. And some days, you can't remember what you had for breakfast.
    


29. your favorite song at this time last year
    Well, the one I listened to the most was the aforementioned Richard Cheese cover of "Creep" (and Radiohead's version and Frank Bennett's top-100-in-Australia swing cover, of course) since I wrote a term paper comparing and contrasting the three. I also really loved driving around to Supermassive Black Hole with the windows down. Honorable mention: the weird I Love You, Ono song that was apparently in an HP ad while I was in Spain (where a cute girl from the Midwest played it for me while we waited for a delayed flight in the Madrid airport), and A Better Son/Daughter by Rilo Kiley (fueled heavily by the deliciously ironic Michigan football preview video of the season before set to this song).
    

WOW, THAT TOOK LONGER THAN THIRTY MINUTES. Another song nobody would expect me to like is the Paul Oakenfield remix of Starry-Eyed Surprise, it was the first song we'd play at our parties freshman year, almost forgot it. I could keep going, and I guess this was kind of fun, but I don't feel like I have a better understanding of my taste in music, except a further reinforcement that it's completely scatterbrained. If you somehow made it this far, congartulation! A winner is you!

Awesome Business Idea 10:58

With a tip of the hat to my dear friend Edward in Cazenovia, my new business idea:

The Very Realistic Fortune Cookie Company™

What's a typical fortune say? Something like, "All of your family are well" -- an actual fortune I've received. And when I read that one, my dad was in the throes of a losing fight against cancer. Sorry, traditional, overly optimistic fortunes: YA DONE GOOFED.

Our premise is simple, really. Open up a fortune after one's Chinese-food meal, just like any other, except that our fortunes are more likely to resonate with the consumers. (Pun intended on that last word.)

For instance...

• You'll probably never find whatever lofty vision of true happiness you have in your mind. LEARN CHINESE - 伤心 (sad)


• Why bother saving money? The ex wife's taking half anyway, and these Miller High Lifes aren't going to pay for themselves. LEARN CHINESE - 贫穷 (poverty)


• Odds are that you will get into a car accident in your lifetime. So if you haven't yet, you have that to look forward to. LEARN CHINESE - 恐慌 (panic)

• No matter how much you diet and exercise, you'll probably never lose a significant amount of weight because you lack the willpower - just keep eating Chinese food. LEARN CHINESE - 意志 (willpower)


• If you're very rich, you'll probably never be loved for who you really are. If you're very poor, you'll probably never be loved for you really are. LEARN CHINESE - 放弃 (give up)

What better way to end delicious meal of fried chicken and sodium than to read a fortune that will truly hit home?

And that's just to name a few fortunes - we'd hire a team of really depressing but clever people to write hundreds of unique, tantalizing fortunes. Feel free to provide suggestions; maybe we'll have a job for you!

The edible cookies themselves would remain the delicious subtle and understated sweets they've always been.

THE VERY REALISTIC FORTUNE COOKIE COMPANY™
Crushing dreams since 2010.

* - Just so we're clear, I'm only like 40% kidding about this idea. Investors, come hither!

I hate ironing. 22:54

An incomplete list of things I'd prefer to do over attempting to iron a dress shirt:

• Lick a cactus.


• Have a snowball fight with Randy Johnson.


• Write a poetic ode extolling the virtues of John Thompson III and Georgetown University.


• Watch an episode of Sex and the City.


• Watch two episodes of Sex and the City.


• Eat a jar of mayonnaise.


• Singe off all my body hair using a blowtorch.


• Get chewed out by Jim Boeheim for ten minutes.


• Ask Jim Calhoun about Ryan Gomes.


• Munch on a nice hunk of tinfoil.


• Pry my teeth out one by one with a rusty set of pliers.


• Intentionally slam each of my fingers into a car door.


• Hunker down for an all-day Tyler Perry movie marathon.


• Count thousands of blades of grass, have some little kid come up and distract me about three quarters of the way through, and have to start over.

I can't think of any more. I don't like ironing, and I can't wait until I'm making 12 figures and I can just send my zillion-dollar shirts off to be dry cleaned every time I wear them.

Employment?! 21:37

Well, I have a job now, selling MS products over the phone. This isn't glamorous but it will pay and pay is good and necessary right now. Raw sales experience is also supposed to be a fantastic thing for a resume.

Also, since it's not my dream job or anything, I still feel like I can do something exciting—move, travel, whatever–after I have some cash saved up. And I may have opportunity to advance; they've been hinting that they have another position in mind for me once I get my foot in the door.

So I'm excited about this. I have something to dedicate my time and energy to, something to sink my teeth into. I just want to do the best I can here and hopefully make a good impression.

I am trying to ditch these overly romantic notions that I need to be doing something "more" right now. I also need to stop living my life through someone else's eyes. If I live my life with integrity, cut a bit more of an assertive gene in myself, and do what I do passionately, I really do think things will turn out just fine for me in the long run. Sometimes, I'm not sure what to do with myself, but living for three years with someone else's wishes and desires always in mind... taking that away requires some getting used to.

STINKY RESUME 01:30

Right or wrong, this is how I picture potential employers viewing my resume and cover letter...

ESPN - Stinky Bracket - short (2005) 0:15 (USA)

Career Check 10:58

I have nothing lined up job-wise right now, and while I was busy helping move my mom into a new place (and myself into the proverbial mom's basement), now we're settled in here and the job hunt has begun in earnest. At least I had a few thousand dollars worth of cushion saved up, but that will fade quickly; the only income I've had the past three weeks or so has come in the form of winning $150 by having the SU _9-WVU _4 square on a $2 board that hit three times on Saturday. (Offensive ineptitude, for the win.)

My tentative plan right now is to work this year, save up money however I can, and try to make a break for Spain next fall. Doing what, exactly over there, I am not sure -- the Spanish government's "Auxiliares culturales" (uh, "cultural helpers") program looks awesome, but part of me wants to do a program with some kind of teaching certification. Only issue there is that those cost money, and the Auxiliares one is free.

I don't have my heart completely set on Spain and I would go to South America, too, if the right opportunity presented itself. I am trying to keep any options open and apply for a bunch of different things. Although I already missed the Fulbright application period, that could be in play next year.

Basically, my head just hurts. I am ready to stop living at home but I'd be kind of stupid to just move out and start paying rent with no job lined up when my raison d'être this year is just to save up as much money as possible so I can have an excellent year traveling next year. Living at home is basically free, but I'm also 23 and I basically have nothing going for me in the 'Cuse.

One thing I really need to do is just form some dreams for my future, and to stop living my life for anyone else. It doesn't matter what other people think I can or should be doing. I don't need to be thinking in terms of how I want other people to view me, or how I think I want them to view me. I don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed of anything I'm doing. I'm a lonely, confused twenty-something and I think that's actually OK for a while. But while I'm getting things in order, I'd love to find some meaningful work and save up some money.

Just feeling overwhelmed and underwhelming, at the same time. A potent cocktail of discontent.

At-Bat Music 00:29

Something I think about periodically, because I'm an idiot, is what my at-bat music would be were I to make the big leagues. According to MVP Baseball 2005, your at-bat music must fall into a predetermined category based on your race:

• Latino players and American guys with Latin-sounding last names have some kind of salsa tune. No exceptions.
• American black players get either a generic hip-hop beat or the Time ta Get Dirty song that was inescapable in the 2005 EA games. (PEEEEE-OPLE TIME TA GET DIRTAY PEEEE-OPLE TIME TA GET DIRTAY!!!!!!!!!)
• White guys -- that's me! -- are apparently all rednecks and have this awful-sounding country thing.
• Guess they didn't know what to do with the Asian players because they get a song from the game's soundtrack that actually doesn't sound like crap.

In real life, this pattern surprisingly breaks down, and you can pick whatever music you want. My ideas...

Abra Cadaver, by The Hives - Either a loop of the intro, or just as much of the song as they can play before I finish taking my sweet time getting to the batter's box. Up-tempo, awesome instrumentation, doesn't get old. The ideal choice, despite being more than a few years old. THEY TRIED TO STICK A DEAD BODY INSIDE OF ME!!!

Good Times Bad Times, by Led Zeppelin - Might be too sentimental and not quite quick enough, but I love this tune and, really, hard to go wrong with Led Zeppelin.

La raja de tu falda, by Estopa - If I were playing in low-low-low-low-A ball in Puerto Rico or something, or just trying to mess with people. This song is Spanish, not Latin American, but I don't think that would bother the producers of MVP Baseball 2005.

Blackest Eyes, by Porcupine Tree - This song has one of the dirtiest riffs I've ever heard, with great buildup, but it might start too slowly to be good at-bat music unless I could have it queued up, and I don't know if they're paying the stadium DJ enough for that. If I have a radio talk show someday -- sort of a dream of mine, to be honest -- this will be the intro music.

AND A FEW THAT WILL NOT FIRE ANYONE UP BUT WOULD BE HILARIOUS ANYWAY

New Age Girl, by Deadeye Dick - better known as "Mary Moon," the song from Dumb and Dumber. This song is inconceivably awful, but hardcore Dumb and Dumber fans are a special breed and this song can be fun to belt at the top of your lungs across European capital cities. Somehow, the "don't eat meat / but she sure like the bone" line didn't make it into the movie.

Dies irae from Verdi's Requiem mass - This is BADASS and would certainly be awesome, especially as a closer's intro music. I just don't know if the average, mainstream baseball fan is ready for an everyday player with choral music as his at-bat music. But tell me this wouldn't sort of freak the other team out, especially if they weren't expecting it.

This song. I probably haven't thought about this as long as I could have, but really, I can think of no worse song for the mood and purpose of at-bat music than this, although Ms. Leona Lewis and Radiohead's "No Surprises" are certainly worthy mentions as well.

Instant Replay in Baseball 18:39

In light of a few bad calls during this week's Division Series -- namely, the supposed trap by Greg Golson of the Yankees against the Twins and Buster Posey's slide against the Braves -- there has been a lot of talk about instant replay in baseball. Bobby Cox and Bruce Bochy were both spouting off about replay in their press conferences last night, saying that there would be too many "arguments and red flags" and that it would "slow the game down."

I don't know how many times I have to say it: IT WON'T SLOW THE GAME DOWN IF YOU DON'T LET IT. Make rules about replay so it won't turn into a free-for-all where replays dominate the game (like the NFL).

My pet instant replay theory is this: Each team gets one challenge per game. Win or lose, you don't get to challenge another play that game.

This works on so many different levels. With only one challenge, chances are most of the time both teams will get through an entire game without using one. Why? Because it forces you to be judicious. Wasted your challenge on a close play at first with nobody on in the third inning? Sucks for you if there's a blown call against you when you're scoring the winning run in the ninth -- you already used your challenge. Since nobody wants to be that manager, chances are challenges will go unused more often than not.

At most, there will be two challenges per game (plus any close home run/foul calls, which should be automatically reviewed as they are now). If done efficiently -- either by an "eye-in-the-sky" umpire at the park or from a "Batcave" at MLB headquarters -- these reviews will be quick. There are plenty of other ways to trim significantly more time from baseball games outside of replays, including further limiting mound visits, penalizing pitchers or hitters who stall, and reducing warm-up toss times.

Additionally, contrary to what Cox and Bochy stated, the number of arguments (and their durations) will decrease. In the current system, after a bad call, the manager runs out of the dugout and screams at the umpire for a few minutes, gets tossed, makes a scene and takes his time leaving the field, and then the game goes on like nothing happened. With challenges, there won't be lengthy arguments. The manager will just toss his flag (or whatever) on the field before the next play, and the replay monitors will decide what the correct call is.

I have lots of specific situational rules for this -- namely, that you can't argue balls and strikes or things that would be blatantly uncorrectable -- but that's the basic framework. One challenge per team per game, win or lose. Home runs still reviewed automatically. Try to tell me that would slow the game down. Seriously.