X is like Y

The US Open was this past week. Lucas Glover won. Forgive me for not being more excited. I, for one, root for the brand names -- or at least for brand names to make shots and be in contention -- because it lends itself to more exciting golf. I'm happy for Lucas Glover and I'm sure he's having the best sex of his life, but I'll take the Tigers and Phils* of the world over the Michael Campbells of the world any day.

* - I am NOT a tunnel-visioned, moron "Tiger or Phil" golf person. There are tons of other great stories and exciting players that I follow from week to week. I also don't understand when rooting for Tiger or Phil had to be a mutually exclusive thing. I was FIRED UP when Phil won his first Major (the 2005 Masters). I also love watching Tiger play. It's not good versus evil. Basically I'm trying to say that I started watching golf before the 2008 "Tiger vs. Rocco" US Open, and that I'm not buying the ESPN "choose a side" bullshit for Tiger and Phil.

One common complaint about golf fans is that some of them wear golf spikes to the tournaments. All I can say is that I AGREE A THOUSAND TIMES. Sorry, guys, but Miguel Ángel Jiménez isn't going to pull up lame on the 15th fairway and ask you to finish the round -- "thank God you were wearing your golf spikes!" Is wearing spikes as a spectator at a golf tournament supposed to be some show of "true" fandom? To indicate a level of equality with the competitors?


Simile Contest! I wanna see your entries too!

Complete the sentence:

Wearing spikes to a golf tournament is like...

• ...wearing a tuxedo to a symphony orchestra concert. Well, people do this anyway, I guess. But you're a different breed if you KNOW that if the second desk viola player goes down -- or heaven forbid the CONDUCTOR! -- you can save the day because you got an A- in high school choir. (Exception made if you have the special sweatpants tuxedo.) (No disrespect intended to Phil Myers. He's my hero. He just literally does have a special sweatpants tuxedo.)
• ...wearing the official band t-shirt to their concert. How insecure are you? The kind of people who get into arguments about being a "true" fan and things like that drive me crazy. Know why? WHO CARES. Do you think Lars Ulrich really cares if you're a "true" Metallica fan? No. He cares that you buy his CD, and his posters, and tickets to his concerts, where you gobble up overpriced swag to prove your fandom. Same with sports teams. Like... JT the Brick always talks about wanting to hear from "true" fans on his show. I know it's his shtick, but if there is any less interesting a conversation in the world than who is/isn't a "true" fan, I don't know what. Every team has fair-weather fans. You'll never be able to change it. Be confident enough in yourself to know you were there all along.
• ...wearing sea captain's gear on a scenic boat tour.
• ...bringing a firefighter's hatchet to a bonfire.
• ...carrying an ocarina to some old castle or ruins you're touring.
• ...wearing a green plastic visor to an accounting class.
• ...wearing a mechanic's jumpsuit with your name written on a patch in script when you get your oil changed.
  

There are probably plenty more... what are they?