I have been in a bit of a funk lately and I've basically realized that I've washed up on the shores of real life without a clue as to who I am or what I should be doing. I realize that I now find myself in the very unique position of being a twenty-something who doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. Still, it's a real predicament. The last almost 20 years have been spent being little more than a professional student. Now that I've (at least temporarily) retired from that position, I have this sense like everything I've once liked is gone and I don't know what the heck to do with myself, even in leisure time.
Sure, I have hobbies. I love to watch and follow sports. That's easy enough to do. But aside from that? I like gaming... but old-school stuff. I have logged FAR more hours on my N64 over the last few years than I have on my XBOX360 (or that of someone with whom I live). That's not a bad thing -- I'm a cheap date when it comes to video games -- but I feel silly continually playing through the same handful of classic RPGs and platformers I've loved since I was a kid. The world contains lots of NEW knowledge; too much to spend cooped up appreciating games made when I was eight years old.
My other principal interests are tough to pursue as a borderline-broke twenty-something living in a cheap apartment: travel, fine wines, and playing the French horn. (Too expensive, too expensive, and too loud, respectively.)
(I love good music and films but I can't bring myself to be so trite as to actually say "I like movies and music." Oh, really? That's so fascinating. Let me guess: oxygen and water are also high on your list.)
I'm also interested in physical fitness and keeping myself thin and healthy but that's more of a lifestyle choice than an interest and I'd sort of like to keep it that way. Kind of like how one can be Christian and believe in Jesus, or be Christian and believe in JEE-zus. With respect to fitness, I'm the former.
I guess what I'm getting at here is that, now that school's over, I feel like my identity is gone, and since I've done little more than dip my toe into other fields and passions, I'm left without many other true passions to sink my teeth into, except writing lengthy self-examinations with too many "justs" and tired clichés like "sink my teeth into".
So that's what I'm going to do. My goal is to try to find myself -- a career goal, a wonderful hobby, inner peace (and world peace?) -- by writing in here. Hopefully, something will jump out at me, both for me to latch onto and for me to gain a small but rabid fanbase writing about. As was once said about about Will Leitch's "Ten Humans" column, this may or may not work.
Oh, almost forgot, I like Spanish too. I need to practice Spanish more, so we're going to have to have some posts in Spanish up in hrrr. Deal with it.
21 September 2010
16 September 2010
Speed-running 18:07
A favorite non-hobby of mine is video-game "speed-runs." I say "non-hobby" because I have never actually tried one myself. As of now, I just watch and enjoy. These things are recordings made by people who are just messing around, trying to make a name for themselves by beating video games, old and new, as fast as possible.
They fall into two categories, each with its own sort of home site and governing board. Natural runs can't be played on an emulator and generally discourage -- or at least make note of -- large-scale glitching and cheating. The best site for them is at Speed Demos Archive. I like these guys perhaps a little better because they're done without computer or emulator assistance. But sometimes, these videos do seem a little bit lame compared to their tool-assisted cousins, who reside all over YouTube and the internet but are governed well by the folks at TASvideos. The tool-assisted videos do use emulators to slow the games down and achieve absolute inhuman perfection, be it through manipulating normally impossible-to-control luck or executing frame-perfect moves that would normally be too risky... or sometimes just doing really, really weird stuff.
Some of my favorite runs are based on favorite games of mine as a kid. The Mega Man games have a sizable following, as do most platformers. If I had to choose one run in particular from each category, Super Metroid in 32 minutes is pretty impressive for a natural run, and Super Mario 64 completed with 0 stars is pretty hilariously amazing on the tool-assisted side.
A year or so of enjoying these movies and following the progress on certain games has understandably given me a bit of an itch to want to try this myself. I think if I did it, it would have to be on the natural side -- I love and respect the tool-assisted runs a lot but I am not sure if I possess the technical know-how or the patience to grasp the art form's (HA!) steep learning curve.
Also, the marks on the very popular games (Mario, Zelda, etc.) are impossibly low. So I kind of want to try a game that isn't already listed at SDA. My plan would be to practice for a few weeks on an emulator, and then when I go home, grab my Super NES or N64 (and a VCR) and get to "work". A huge part of these things, beyond the obvious complete mastery of the game in question, is planning and executing the most time-efficient route.
My initial thoughts:
Cool Spot
This is a Super NES game I loved as a kid, and it seems like a modest platform game that I'm honestly surprised nobody has tried yet. For those curious, you control the former 7up mascot, that red dot with the sunglasses, and shoot little bursts of 7up at things and collect "Cool Points" to save your identical Spot buddies from incarceration. While remembered mostly for its engaging plot* and certainly not for being a shallow marketing ploy by the folks at 7up, it's kind of a fun game, it has cool music, and it's one that I think I could really master given the chance.
Bubsy
Another SNES platform game, this one featuring an extremely fragile bobcat as the protagonist who starts with, hm, nine lives. The game seems made for speed, as Bubsy could run really quickly and the game loved to race forward, but doing that unprepared was basically suicide because, good Lord, any one hit in this game and you're dead. "Yikes," as Bubsy and our good friend Mike both love to comment. Bubsy 2 was a little more fair with three hit points, and neither has a run on SDA, so that's a possibility, too.
Eek! The Cat
Another cat-based platformer, I got this dog of a game from my grandma for my eighth birthday or something, and I was stoked because I liked the cartoon. This is easily one of the worst games I have ever played... basically, you don't just guide Eek! to the exit of each stage. Rather, you need to push and kick an old lady out of harm's way and get HER to the exit before her health runs out. She is constantly walking forward and this is even more unbelievably frustrating than it sounds. If that's even possible. Put it this way: I consider myself a pretty strong gamer, and I never made it past the first "world" of this game**. If I tried now, I like to think that I'd be able to, with another couple years' worth of wisdom under my belt. The only reason this might be an impossible game is because the damn thing has maybe the darkest, dingiest graphics of the 16-bit era (before the N64 really raised -- lowered? -- the bar in that department).
Any other suggestions would be welcome. This was really just a brainstorm for me.
* - not really
** - despite never making it past the zoo world of Eek!, I can sing -- from memory -- the music from the second world of the game, which you could listen to in the options menu. This is one of the most embarrassing iterations of my most useless talent: an ability to remember video game music from my childhood EXTREMELY well (but struggling now to remember why I walked into a room).
They fall into two categories, each with its own sort of home site and governing board. Natural runs can't be played on an emulator and generally discourage -- or at least make note of -- large-scale glitching and cheating. The best site for them is at Speed Demos Archive. I like these guys perhaps a little better because they're done without computer or emulator assistance. But sometimes, these videos do seem a little bit lame compared to their tool-assisted cousins, who reside all over YouTube and the internet but are governed well by the folks at TASvideos. The tool-assisted videos do use emulators to slow the games down and achieve absolute inhuman perfection, be it through manipulating normally impossible-to-control luck or executing frame-perfect moves that would normally be too risky... or sometimes just doing really, really weird stuff.
Some of my favorite runs are based on favorite games of mine as a kid. The Mega Man games have a sizable following, as do most platformers. If I had to choose one run in particular from each category, Super Metroid in 32 minutes is pretty impressive for a natural run, and Super Mario 64 completed with 0 stars is pretty hilariously amazing on the tool-assisted side.
A year or so of enjoying these movies and following the progress on certain games has understandably given me a bit of an itch to want to try this myself. I think if I did it, it would have to be on the natural side -- I love and respect the tool-assisted runs a lot but I am not sure if I possess the technical know-how or the patience to grasp the art form's (HA!) steep learning curve.
Also, the marks on the very popular games (Mario, Zelda, etc.) are impossibly low. So I kind of want to try a game that isn't already listed at SDA. My plan would be to practice for a few weeks on an emulator, and then when I go home, grab my Super NES or N64 (and a VCR) and get to "work". A huge part of these things, beyond the obvious complete mastery of the game in question, is planning and executing the most time-efficient route.
My initial thoughts:
Cool Spot
This is a Super NES game I loved as a kid, and it seems like a modest platform game that I'm honestly surprised nobody has tried yet. For those curious, you control the former 7up mascot, that red dot with the sunglasses, and shoot little bursts of 7up at things and collect "Cool Points" to save your identical Spot buddies from incarceration. While remembered mostly for its engaging plot* and certainly not for being a shallow marketing ploy by the folks at 7up, it's kind of a fun game, it has cool music, and it's one that I think I could really master given the chance.
Bubsy
Another SNES platform game, this one featuring an extremely fragile bobcat as the protagonist who starts with, hm, nine lives. The game seems made for speed, as Bubsy could run really quickly and the game loved to race forward, but doing that unprepared was basically suicide because, good Lord, any one hit in this game and you're dead. "Yikes," as Bubsy and our good friend Mike both love to comment. Bubsy 2 was a little more fair with three hit points, and neither has a run on SDA, so that's a possibility, too.
Eek! The Cat
Another cat-based platformer, I got this dog of a game from my grandma for my eighth birthday or something, and I was stoked because I liked the cartoon. This is easily one of the worst games I have ever played... basically, you don't just guide Eek! to the exit of each stage. Rather, you need to push and kick an old lady out of harm's way and get HER to the exit before her health runs out. She is constantly walking forward and this is even more unbelievably frustrating than it sounds. If that's even possible. Put it this way: I consider myself a pretty strong gamer, and I never made it past the first "world" of this game**. If I tried now, I like to think that I'd be able to, with another couple years' worth of wisdom under my belt. The only reason this might be an impossible game is because the damn thing has maybe the darkest, dingiest graphics of the 16-bit era (before the N64 really raised -- lowered? -- the bar in that department).
Any other suggestions would be welcome. This was really just a brainstorm for me.
* - not really
** - despite never making it past the zoo world of Eek!, I can sing -- from memory -- the music from the second world of the game, which you could listen to in the options menu. This is one of the most embarrassing iterations of my most useless talent: an ability to remember video game music from my childhood EXTREMELY well (but struggling now to remember why I walked into a room).
07 September 2010
SCAM'D 19:14
I finally did get a response to one of my job applications last Thursday morning. I wasn't kidding - I was as thrilled as I thought I'd be. For about a second.
The interview request was a poorly written email promising me $17 per hour if I could just enroll for this credit-reporting site and give them my credit card number. But I thought maybe, just maybe this was a legitimate company, so I did a little research on the company. I can't link to the site because it's already gone (it was www.ply-corp) but I looked it up and turns out it had been registered earlier that same day... in the Bahamas. The website was also curiously vague about what this company actually DID, and the hiring manager was a little TOO attractive to be believable. And there was no reference to the company ANYWHERE on Google. Hm.
Oh, and I found the job listing on craigslist, which should have been my first hint.
So I wrote an email back saying thanks but no thanks, and forgot about it.
Fortunately, I DO have a job tending bar and I have another interview on Friday so that didn't matter but I'm really glad I'm not a total sucker.
The interview request was a poorly written email promising me $17 per hour if I could just enroll for this credit-reporting site and give them my credit card number. But I thought maybe, just maybe this was a legitimate company, so I did a little research on the company. I can't link to the site because it's already gone (it was www.ply-corp) but I looked it up and turns out it had been registered earlier that same day... in the Bahamas. The website was also curiously vague about what this company actually DID, and the hiring manager was a little TOO attractive to be believable. And there was no reference to the company ANYWHERE on Google. Hm.
Oh, and I found the job listing on craigslist, which should have been my first hint.
So I wrote an email back saying thanks but no thanks, and forgot about it.
Fortunately, I DO have a job tending bar and I have another interview on Friday so that didn't matter but I'm really glad I'm not a total sucker.
01 September 2010
The Syracuse episode of Man vs. Food: One Syracusan's Take 22:09
Note: Cross-posted from Nunes Magician...
This was a pretty run-of-the-mill episode... not terrible, not great. I thought they did the Dinosaur justice (though I wish they'd have mentioned the Today show thing that ranked it #1), and Heid's with Jim Boeheim was, of course, fantastic even knowing it was coming. I've never been to Mother's Cupboard so I don't want to comment on that... what'd the Nuneseratti think?
Minor Gripes:
- Have you SEEN Onondaga Lake, Adam? Not exactly pristine, and calling Syracuse a "lakefront" town is generous as I think most Syracusans prefer to pretend Onondaga Lake doesn't exist and only acknowledge it by rolling up their windows and going to Lights on the Lake.
- Also, it's not a Finger Lake and it's not pronounced OWN-ondaga.
- What was the lacrosse thing all about, besides being a blatant filler and shameless plug for SU? (In the next episode it showed a picture of him playing lacrosse as a kid but they made no reference to that in the Syracuse show)
- Would have loved to have seen a trip to the Hill—where would he have gone? I'd vote Acropolis, I guess.
31 August 2010
General mind dump 22:38
- It bothers me when people don't add target="new" to their links on blogs or whatever; that just strikes me as lazy web design. I don't want my links to open in the same window/tab as the thing I'm trying to read because I'll lose my place. Resident Girl thinks that it's better without target="new" because "you can just press backspace" to get back to where you were, which I disagree with completely. I have made such a habit of opening links with "Open link in new tab..." because I don't even like to tempt fate and find out whether or the current site is a target="new" fan or not.
- The most common grammatical error I see online is a complete ignorance of the difference between "its" and "it's". Lots of blogs are offenders, but one of the worst also happens to be one of my favorite sites. This is so exceedingly simple and there are so many grammatical mix-ups that are more complicated than this that most people nail. It's = it is. Without going into any sort of lecture about what a contraction or a possessive pronoun is, one can learn the difference that simply. If you could substitute "it is" for the word, use "it's". Otherwise, use "its" (which is the possessive). It's time to put this book back in its place.
(Note: I would be a horrible example-sentence writer for a textbook, but we used to like coming up with nonsensical word problems. "Jonah has three red marbles, seven blue marbles, and one green marble in his pocket. If Marty rarely bathes, what time will the train reach Poughkeepsie?" Of course, Netflix ripped this off with their "bonus round" radio commercials, which don't seem to live on YouTube.) - I am afraid when I write cover letters that, if I punctuate some compound noun or adjective correctly, the person on the other end might not know correct hyphenation rules and mistakenly think that I hyphenated incorrectly. You know, that didn't sound as conceited when I was thinking it.
- What's Britney doing with her life?
- So glad I can finally dust off the ol' "hyphens" tag
- On the front of an old record album I bought, there was a singer listed as "Dick Hyman." This is sort of an old record so it was probably made back when there were actually still people named Dick without a shred of irony, but... come on. You have to laugh at that. My mom did, so I didn't feel as silly or immature.
Where to work?! 21:13
Free blogging time! Want to bring this sucker back to life—again—but not sure what to do so whatever comes to mind will be written. (It is written.)
I've moved to a new city, once again far beyond the Vale of Onondaga, and I'm looking for a job. Not as fun as it sounds. I'm starting to feel a bit like the Wagon Fulla Pancakes and the Cheat as down-on-your-luck salesmen with all the rejections I'm getting. Actually, I'm not getting rejected. I'm getting nothing. I guess it's easier to just ignore something this day and age, where everything is done via email or fax, but it's frustrating no less. I've been applying to places all summer and have gotten nothing. I'm at the point where I would love an email back—any email back.
THAT EMAIL WOULD MAKE MY DAY BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT SOMEONE HAS READ AND CONSIDERED MY APPLICATION. In addition to responding to every conceivable anonymous post on craigslist (jobs section only, not getting freaky), I've started driving around and just looking for "Help Wanted" signs. Crude, but effective. It's hard to straight-up ignore someone who's in your face asking for an application, but it is easy to feign a language barrier if you work in a Japanese restaurant*. Based on what I've found and applied for... or something...
JOB OPTIONS
There are lots more but I'm about spent here. Any awesome suggestions for where I should work?
* - yes, I know the Seinfeld host is Chinese.
I've moved to a new city, once again far beyond the Vale of Onondaga, and I'm looking for a job. Not as fun as it sounds. I'm starting to feel a bit like the Wagon Fulla Pancakes and the Cheat as down-on-your-luck salesmen with all the rejections I'm getting. Actually, I'm not getting rejected. I'm getting nothing. I guess it's easier to just ignore something this day and age, where everything is done via email or fax, but it's frustrating no less. I've been applying to places all summer and have gotten nothing. I'm at the point where I would love an email back—any email back.
Dear Applicant:
Are you serious with this resume? Financial intern? What the hell does that even mean? You graduated with a useless degree for this position, you have no relevant experience, and we have no interest in ever hiring you, or even so much as hearing from you again. Ever. If you so much as attempt to contact our office regarding this opening, we will have our friends Sal and Vito pay you and your family a visit. If we were you, we'd just drop dead, you worthless sack of crap.
Respectfully,
Some Hiring Manager
THAT EMAIL WOULD MAKE MY DAY BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT SOMEONE HAS READ AND CONSIDERED MY APPLICATION. In addition to responding to every conceivable anonymous post on craigslist (jobs section only, not getting freaky), I've started driving around and just looking for "Help Wanted" signs. Crude, but effective. It's hard to straight-up ignore someone who's in your face asking for an application, but it is easy to feign a language barrier if you work in a Japanese restaurant*. Based on what I've found and applied for... or something...
JOB OPTIONS
- Dollar Tree (or, as Ms. Junkins called it, the "DS")
PROS
Getting to secretly make fun of every customer for being poor;
It's right down the street—don't know if that bodes well for where I live or not;
Employee discount!!! Hello, Fig Newtons for only 72¢!
CONS
General Dollar Tree stench;
Only sell off-brand Oreos;
No quality, American-made merchandise in there! - GameStop
PROS
Employee discount—seriously this time. I could buy all the Insane Clown Posse crap I want, and it'd probably be, like, part of my job to play the latest games, man;
The place is air-conditioned and it closes at the reasonable hour of 21:00 (and doesn't open until like 11:00);
I could embrace my inner geek and do things like play the Final Fantasy XIII battle-music French-horn lick without fear of societal repercussions (not that I'd ever do that, even in private)...
CONS
The general Creatures that inhabit that place—have you ever spent any time in there? It's not good, and they tend to try to make the clerks their best friend;
Midnight releases of select titles would cause me to come home late at night, reeking of Red Bull and Slim Jims to boot;
I would become bitter and look at my customers as caricatures of their actual selves as I judge through my preconceived notions (obviously, as it's already started) - Some law firm I applied to on craigslist that didn't give out its name
PROS
Probably get paid pretty well as a paralegal/secretary/clerk-type dealie-o;
All the legal pads I could ever want (which is huge for me);
Poder hablar en español si es necesario
CONS
Knowing that any one single coworker will probably make more money any given day than I'll make in a year;
Knowing that any one single coworker will probably make more money any given year than I'll make in a decade;
Becoming resigned to this fact and starting a life as a career secretary for rich dudes - The local, big-city Symphony Orchestra
PROS
Getting to be around something I love and have a passion for;
Free concerts from an amazing performing group;
Working in the city proper, giving me a real local flavor;
Getting to work WITH people and not FOR them or in their assistance
CONS
Working with INCONSIDERATE JERKS WHO DO NOT REPLY TO CALLS OR EMAILS NO I'M NOT BITTER - The Airport
PROS
Perpetually singing the airport action-scene music from Dumb and Dumber like we did in Europe when we were late for a flight;
Being somewhere where people openly expect to be miserable and have to deal with horrible customer service, thus greatly lowering expectations for me and my coworkers;
Airplane jokes!
CONS
Perpetually thinking that I'm the very personification of Guster's Airport Song (ignore the weird music video)—"you'll be sellin' books at the airport"... ¡Viva Hudson News!
Dealing with stressed-out travelers;
Having to constantly remember whether or not "travelers" has one or two L's
There are lots more but I'm about spent here. Any awesome suggestions for where I should work?
* - yes, I know the Seinfeld host is Chinese.
29 June 2010
I'm gonna take a vacation from the Spanish titles for a while 19:05
I'd be remiss to not first make sure you are aware of the fine people doing the Lord's work over at TV Tropes. I discovered this site the other night (at the same time I usually discover interesting, addicting and time-consuming websites: Sunday night, right before bed). I've stayed mainly within the bounds of the video game section of the site, but from what I gather, the site as a whole seeks to name and find examples of common tropes -- not "clichés" -- present in various forms of media. It unearths the inane, the comical, and the downright annoying. I can already tell that TV Tropes is going to essentially dominate the next few weeks of my existence, so I had to bust out and tell the world. I linked it on delicious already, but this site is worth a look. Just start poking around -- even if video games aren't your thing, there's something for everyone. And just remember, no matter what, Revive Kills Zombie. If you're a console RPG player, this is a very good first read that links to a million other articles.
Gettin' my TV Trope on has made me think about tropes in other parts of life. I'll let TV Tropes explain the subtle difference between a "trope" and a "cliché" in their own words...
I don't know if I totally agree with that because a lot of the entries I've read have been on things that are very "stereotyped and trite" -- again, Revive Kills Zombie -- but I think the focus is more squarely on how these things are used to guide our expectations. What's important is not that we're tired of the tropes -- that's inconsequential. What I think this is getting at is that these things are conventions, or even strictures, of genres or types of media, and we've learned to identify them and use them to guide our expectations of how to experience that specific work.
Anyway, that got a little cerebral. I've been trying to think of other "tropes" in life outside of works of fiction -- things that aren't just clichéd, but when identified, give you a new understanding and expectation of what's going on around you. The first thing that came to mind was driving. I consider myself a pretty good driver. Over the years, I've taken many a long, solo road trip, and I commute a good half hour every day. I don't mean to say that I'm some authority on driving, but I think I am a reasonably educated, smart and safe driver. And when you're an educated, smart, and safe driver, people who aren't just tend to stick out*.
* - This picture really isn't funny... I mean, OK, it sort of is, but it's seriously pretty scary how awful many our companions on the road are.
So, I humbly present a few Driving Tropes -- when you see one of these schmohawks perform any one or more of these actions, or come across the object in question, you pretty much know what to expect from there. (Items with Seemingly Random Capitalization are things that could, and maybe should, be tropes in their own right.)
KING OF THE ROAD
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" --George Carlin
Most people have their own preferred cruising speed for highway driving. (This troper usually won't push it more than about 10% over the limit, because of police but also because it's hard to get his car over 75.) Whenever you are traveling on the highway and you see somebody in the left lane for more than the length of time it takes to pass slower traffic on the right, this driver will be very stubborn about his speed and refuse to yield to traffic moving faster than he. There is no shame or loss of manhood in moving into the right lane for somebody moving faster than you -- you and this person just have different ideas about safe speeds on the highway, or how fast you can push the limit before getting a ticket. Usually, to get by the King of the Road, you have to pass him on the right -- frowned upon, and actually a crime in Germany -- or wait until he finally decides to grant you passage. A true King of the Road may also act somewhat aggressively, doing things such as slamming the brakes to scare would-be tailgaters, or cutting off those attempting to pass on the right. He is usually a younger middle-aged person, often with a family, who's young enough to not be totally incompetent but old enough to drive somewhat slowly and resent those going faster.
A driver may not be King of the Road if he's in the left lane, as long as 1) he's in the process of passing someone slower than he is (Wait Your Turn); 2) he's following a truck or other large vehicle in exceptionally snowy conditions (Where'd The Road Go?); 3) he's just blissfully unaware of the "Rules of the Road", either by ignorance (Head in the Sand) or distraction (Elvis Textley).
THAT ONE TRAFFIC LIGHT
Every town has one: the intersection the locals just know to avoid. It seems that the light, no matter the angle of approach, is always red when you pull up. It may have excessively long cycles, multiple arrows (sometimes with illogical red lights accompanying them), mandatory timed pedestrian crossings, or the dreaded Arbitrary No Turn on Red. Usually, there are no traffic sensors, or they are broken or only function certain times of day. That One Traffic Light is often at a critical junction between major roads, adding to its daily hassle to drivers by all but forcing them to pass though it or take a lenghty detour.
Note that That One Traffic Light isn't necessarily just a busy intersection. It can be and often is busy, but what makes it That One Traffic Light isn't the volume of traffic but rather the inefficient or downright frustrating way in which the intersection was designed or the lights cycle. This troper often seriously wonders what fraction of his life -- as both a passenger and a driver -- has been wasted either sitting at or actively avoiding the "clusterfrick" linked to above.
AFTER YOU, SIR
Acceptable instances of breaking normal right-of-way rules do exist -- for instance, stopping short of the car ahead to let somebody turn left into a driveway you would be blocking when traffic is stopped, anyway; or, allowing a Pittsburgh left in an appropriate situation. Some, however, completely ignore conventional right-of-way rules and "wave on" other drivers in unwarranted situations. Although they mean well, they are unintentionally shaking other drivers' faith in well-established right-of-way rules and potentially setting up dangerous situations. Usually a middle-aged or older woman or a skittish teenager, this driver will often stop at inappropriate times to "let people go" when they should be concentrated on following the Rules of the Road and driving safely rather than concerning themselves with niceties with pissed-off and hurried strangers.
The worst instance of this is when Driver A and Driver B oppose each other at a green light, Driver A turning left and Driver B going straight. Driver B, thinking himself a noble soul, gives Driver A a wave and lets him turn before he and the other oncoming traffic go straight. This is a problem if there is room for a (rightfully) impatient car to pass Driver B on the right and proceed straight as right-of-way would suggest. Driver A is confused but accepts the gesture and the passing car slams into him. Some fault may lie with That One Impatient Guy who did the passing, but for all he knows, After You Sir may just have his Head in the Sand and be turning left without signaling.
THAT ONE IMPATIENT GUY
Sometimes, even good drivers might get distracted waiting at a red light and will need a toot on the horn to notify them that the light has, in fact, turned green. Other times, however, a driver will LAY on the horn when the light has been green for less than a second. Whenever somebody -- even you -- is late for a commitment, they will become irrationally and visibly annoyed by any minor inconvenience that would normally be ignored or shrugged off as part of everyday driving. Murphy's Law does come into play here, as That One Impatient Guy will think the stars are aligning against him and will take out his frustration though his car. He is typically a young professional and he will probably grow up to be King of the Road someday.
Examples of That One Impatient Guy's behavior include: Speeding up to a merge point in the lane that is obviously closed (Merge This!), excessively revving or accelerating when passing slower traffic, the aforementioned beeping at traffic lights, becoming the anti-After You Sir and taking dangerous left-hand turns ahead of oncoming traffic, gunning through yellow lights (or throwing up his hands in disgust when you don't).
LEAP-FROGGING REDS
When on a straight street in a city or town with a signal every block, the signals will usually be coordinated to 1) all be green at the same time, allowing for a steady flow of traffic, or 2) "leap-frog" each other with reds, with one signal turning yellow just moments after the one previous turned green. The supposed benefit of the Leap-Frogging Reds is obvious: prevent speeding by ensuring that a driver will have to stop at every intersection rather than blaze right through. Unless the lights are extremely well-synchronized, however, the tendency is for the opposite to happen. A savvy driver, especially That One Impatient Guy, will gun it off the green light to attempt to beat the oncoming red at the next intersection, in so doing driving more dangerously than he likely would have if there were no Leap-Frogging Reds to begin with. This becomes especially clear when one of the intersections in question is known to contain That One Traffic Light, in which case even normally sound and patient Defensive Drivers (especially those using the Smith System) will get antsy and speed to avoid getting trapped.
HEAD IN THE SAND
Different tropes can be difficult to pinpoint at first, but the most erratic and most difficult to accurately identify is somebody who is driving with absolutely no awareness for what is going on around them. They will randomly show instances of many other characteristics, sometimes alternating between excessive speeding and going 10 under (60 to 80 to 60 in Sixty Seconds), letting people turn (or not) at strange times (After You, Sir), waiting for a long time at green lights, and never ever signaling. Almost invariably an old person, you can't have your Head in the Sand in the strictest sense if you are distracted or a beginning driver. The Head in the Sand driver will infuriate others, especially That One Impatient Guy, by hanging in the left lane (King of the Road) or lackadaisically make turns at slower-than-necessary speeds.
There are a TON MORE but I've been sitting here writing for almost two hours so I'm going to call it quits. Any more driving tropes? And if you have a minute, by all means, check out TV Tropes. You'll be sorry you did -- quite possibly the most addicting site since Sporcle.
Gettin' my TV Trope on has made me think about tropes in other parts of life. I'll let TV Tropes explain the subtle difference between a "trope" and a "cliché" in their own words...
Tropes are devices and conventions that a writer can reasonably rely on as being present in the audience members' minds and expectations. On the whole, tropes are not clichés. The word clichéd means "stereotyped and trite." In other words, dull and uninteresting. We are not looking for dull and uninteresting entries. We are here to recognize tropes and play with them, not to make fun of them.
I don't know if I totally agree with that because a lot of the entries I've read have been on things that are very "stereotyped and trite" -- again, Revive Kills Zombie -- but I think the focus is more squarely on how these things are used to guide our expectations. What's important is not that we're tired of the tropes -- that's inconsequential. What I think this is getting at is that these things are conventions, or even strictures, of genres or types of media, and we've learned to identify them and use them to guide our expectations of how to experience that specific work.
Anyway, that got a little cerebral. I've been trying to think of other "tropes" in life outside of works of fiction -- things that aren't just clichéd, but when identified, give you a new understanding and expectation of what's going on around you. The first thing that came to mind was driving. I consider myself a pretty good driver. Over the years, I've taken many a long, solo road trip, and I commute a good half hour every day. I don't mean to say that I'm some authority on driving, but I think I am a reasonably educated, smart and safe driver. And when you're an educated, smart, and safe driver, people who aren't just tend to stick out*.
* - This picture really isn't funny... I mean, OK, it sort of is, but it's seriously pretty scary how awful many our companions on the road are.
So, I humbly present a few Driving Tropes -- when you see one of these schmohawks perform any one or more of these actions, or come across the object in question, you pretty much know what to expect from there. (Items with Seemingly Random Capitalization are things that could, and maybe should, be tropes in their own right.)
KING OF THE ROAD
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" --George Carlin
Most people have their own preferred cruising speed for highway driving. (This troper usually won't push it more than about 10% over the limit, because of police but also because it's hard to get his car over 75.) Whenever you are traveling on the highway and you see somebody in the left lane for more than the length of time it takes to pass slower traffic on the right, this driver will be very stubborn about his speed and refuse to yield to traffic moving faster than he. There is no shame or loss of manhood in moving into the right lane for somebody moving faster than you -- you and this person just have different ideas about safe speeds on the highway, or how fast you can push the limit before getting a ticket. Usually, to get by the King of the Road, you have to pass him on the right -- frowned upon, and actually a crime in Germany -- or wait until he finally decides to grant you passage. A true King of the Road may also act somewhat aggressively, doing things such as slamming the brakes to scare would-be tailgaters, or cutting off those attempting to pass on the right. He is usually a younger middle-aged person, often with a family, who's young enough to not be totally incompetent but old enough to drive somewhat slowly and resent those going faster.
A driver may not be King of the Road if he's in the left lane, as long as 1) he's in the process of passing someone slower than he is (Wait Your Turn); 2) he's following a truck or other large vehicle in exceptionally snowy conditions (Where'd The Road Go?); 3) he's just blissfully unaware of the "Rules of the Road", either by ignorance (Head in the Sand) or distraction (Elvis Textley).
THAT ONE TRAFFIC LIGHT
Every town has one: the intersection the locals just know to avoid. It seems that the light, no matter the angle of approach, is always red when you pull up. It may have excessively long cycles, multiple arrows (sometimes with illogical red lights accompanying them), mandatory timed pedestrian crossings, or the dreaded Arbitrary No Turn on Red. Usually, there are no traffic sensors, or they are broken or only function certain times of day. That One Traffic Light is often at a critical junction between major roads, adding to its daily hassle to drivers by all but forcing them to pass though it or take a lenghty detour.
Note that That One Traffic Light isn't necessarily just a busy intersection. It can be and often is busy, but what makes it That One Traffic Light isn't the volume of traffic but rather the inefficient or downright frustrating way in which the intersection was designed or the lights cycle. This troper often seriously wonders what fraction of his life -- as both a passenger and a driver -- has been wasted either sitting at or actively avoiding the "clusterfrick" linked to above.
AFTER YOU, SIR
Acceptable instances of breaking normal right-of-way rules do exist -- for instance, stopping short of the car ahead to let somebody turn left into a driveway you would be blocking when traffic is stopped, anyway; or, allowing a Pittsburgh left in an appropriate situation. Some, however, completely ignore conventional right-of-way rules and "wave on" other drivers in unwarranted situations. Although they mean well, they are unintentionally shaking other drivers' faith in well-established right-of-way rules and potentially setting up dangerous situations. Usually a middle-aged or older woman or a skittish teenager, this driver will often stop at inappropriate times to "let people go" when they should be concentrated on following the Rules of the Road and driving safely rather than concerning themselves with niceties with pissed-off and hurried strangers.
The worst instance of this is when Driver A and Driver B oppose each other at a green light, Driver A turning left and Driver B going straight. Driver B, thinking himself a noble soul, gives Driver A a wave and lets him turn before he and the other oncoming traffic go straight. This is a problem if there is room for a (rightfully) impatient car to pass Driver B on the right and proceed straight as right-of-way would suggest. Driver A is confused but accepts the gesture and the passing car slams into him. Some fault may lie with That One Impatient Guy who did the passing, but for all he knows, After You Sir may just have his Head in the Sand and be turning left without signaling.
THAT ONE IMPATIENT GUY
Sometimes, even good drivers might get distracted waiting at a red light and will need a toot on the horn to notify them that the light has, in fact, turned green. Other times, however, a driver will LAY on the horn when the light has been green for less than a second. Whenever somebody -- even you -- is late for a commitment, they will become irrationally and visibly annoyed by any minor inconvenience that would normally be ignored or shrugged off as part of everyday driving. Murphy's Law does come into play here, as That One Impatient Guy will think the stars are aligning against him and will take out his frustration though his car. He is typically a young professional and he will probably grow up to be King of the Road someday.
Examples of That One Impatient Guy's behavior include: Speeding up to a merge point in the lane that is obviously closed (Merge This!), excessively revving or accelerating when passing slower traffic, the aforementioned beeping at traffic lights, becoming the anti-After You Sir and taking dangerous left-hand turns ahead of oncoming traffic, gunning through yellow lights (or throwing up his hands in disgust when you don't).
LEAP-FROGGING REDS
When on a straight street in a city or town with a signal every block, the signals will usually be coordinated to 1) all be green at the same time, allowing for a steady flow of traffic, or 2) "leap-frog" each other with reds, with one signal turning yellow just moments after the one previous turned green. The supposed benefit of the Leap-Frogging Reds is obvious: prevent speeding by ensuring that a driver will have to stop at every intersection rather than blaze right through. Unless the lights are extremely well-synchronized, however, the tendency is for the opposite to happen. A savvy driver, especially That One Impatient Guy, will gun it off the green light to attempt to beat the oncoming red at the next intersection, in so doing driving more dangerously than he likely would have if there were no Leap-Frogging Reds to begin with. This becomes especially clear when one of the intersections in question is known to contain That One Traffic Light, in which case even normally sound and patient Defensive Drivers (especially those using the Smith System) will get antsy and speed to avoid getting trapped.
HEAD IN THE SAND
Different tropes can be difficult to pinpoint at first, but the most erratic and most difficult to accurately identify is somebody who is driving with absolutely no awareness for what is going on around them. They will randomly show instances of many other characteristics, sometimes alternating between excessive speeding and going 10 under (60 to 80 to 60 in Sixty Seconds), letting people turn (or not) at strange times (After You, Sir), waiting for a long time at green lights, and never ever signaling. Almost invariably an old person, you can't have your Head in the Sand in the strictest sense if you are distracted or a beginning driver. The Head in the Sand driver will infuriate others, especially That One Impatient Guy, by hanging in the left lane (King of the Road) or lackadaisically make turns at slower-than-necessary speeds.
There are a TON MORE but I've been sitting here writing for almost two hours so I'm going to call it quits. Any more driving tropes? And if you have a minute, by all means, check out TV Tropes. You'll be sorry you did -- quite possibly the most addicting site since Sporcle.
23 June 2010
Insanity 17:33
Can we just talk about what an absolutely insane day this has been?
LANDON DONOVAN. What a goal for the Nats. (Some people like to abbreviate the US Men's National Team as USMNT but that reminds me far too much of TMNT so I'll try something else.) I'm with Brian at mgoblog: You can try all you want to make sports objective and not get bogged down in cliché-ridden NFL talk about "heart" and "guts" when it's really about skill and matchups... but sometimes you just have to throw your hands up and embrace it. Especially when it's a goal in stoppage time to keep the Yanks' hopes alive in the World Cup. Sure, the US had been threatening the whole game, but that's grit -- no two ways about it.
Somehow, there's a tennis match at Wimbledon that's gone to 59 GAMES ALL in the fifth set (and counting, when they start it up for day three of the match). I know I'm not breaking any news here and I know nothing about tennis, but for all that to happen the same day as THE EARTHQUAKE that I think we will all remember is just remarkable. I was in my office, on the sixth floor, and I felt something a little funny... but more than that, I swear I saw it. It may have just been because I was moving, but it was almost like a shockwave went through the building. Everything moved and I had a weird sensation like I fell, and I thought I was crazy but everyone else in the room just stopped what they were doing and looked around as if to say, "what the hell was that?"
So in the span of hours, all this happened, and all I could think of was Dumb and Dumber: The TMNT wins in stoppage time! We see the longest tennis match ever! There's an earthquake in Syracuse! Our pets' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!! Strange day. Oh, and there are supposed to be wicked thunderstorms tonight. Somehow, I think Ron Artest has to be involved in this.
BOSTON SUCKS! BOSTON SUCKS! BOSTON SUCKS!
LANDON DONOVAN. What a goal for the Nats. (Some people like to abbreviate the US Men's National Team as USMNT but that reminds me far too much of TMNT so I'll try something else.) I'm with Brian at mgoblog: You can try all you want to make sports objective and not get bogged down in cliché-ridden NFL talk about "heart" and "guts" when it's really about skill and matchups... but sometimes you just have to throw your hands up and embrace it. Especially when it's a goal in stoppage time to keep the Yanks' hopes alive in the World Cup. Sure, the US had been threatening the whole game, but that's grit -- no two ways about it.
Somehow, there's a tennis match at Wimbledon that's gone to 59 GAMES ALL in the fifth set (and counting, when they start it up for day three of the match). I know I'm not breaking any news here and I know nothing about tennis, but for all that to happen the same day as THE EARTHQUAKE that I think we will all remember is just remarkable. I was in my office, on the sixth floor, and I felt something a little funny... but more than that, I swear I saw it. It may have just been because I was moving, but it was almost like a shockwave went through the building. Everything moved and I had a weird sensation like I fell, and I thought I was crazy but everyone else in the room just stopped what they were doing and looked around as if to say, "what the hell was that?"
So in the span of hours, all this happened, and all I could think of was Dumb and Dumber: The TMNT wins in stoppage time! We see the longest tennis match ever! There's an earthquake in Syracuse! Our pets' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!! Strange day. Oh, and there are supposed to be wicked thunderstorms tonight. Somehow, I think Ron Artest has to be involved in this.
BOSTON SUCKS! BOSTON SUCKS! BOSTON SUCKS!
12 June 2010
Monopoly: The Movie 19:54
[ed. note: I'm back from Spain -- have been for about six months now -- and I thought that might be the death of this blog. But here I am, a bored college graduate back in the 'Cuse, looking for an outlet for all the little ideas I have. (These typically end up somewhere between impractical and criminally insane.) Seeing as I'm home, I think I might bring this space back closer to what it was last summer -- remember what you've been missing? -- and table my "Spanish travel journal" format until I'm back in Spain, or something.]
Last weekend, I was enjoying a greasy breakfast with some old friends at the (ahem) appropriately and brilliantly named Hang Over Easy in Columbus, Ohio. ("Check it out, there's a working N64 hanging on the wall!") Someone asked, if you were a serial killer, what would the pattern of your crime spree be? What's your serial-killer fantasy modus operandi?
We all thought about it -- his friend had a good one, where he only kills people who look like faces from the Guess Who game. (Cards do not actually talk.) Well, my creativity bone has been broken lately, so my mind was stuck on board games, but I settled on a Monopoly killing spree, where I murder someone living on each street of the Monopoly board, beginning with Mediterranean Avenue. Anyway, this provoked some great discussion, and we eventually turned this idea into a movie pitch. So, presenting...
Open: a routine murder scene in Atlantic City. A poor immigrant mother is found dead in her apartment at 60 Mediterranean Avenue. Absolutely no leads -- no prints or any traces of evidence. Baffled and exhausted, disillusioned police detective Scott Cannon returns to his apartment and argues with his wife (a slightly run-down Gwyneth Paltrow) before crashing on his couch. (A Monopoly box sits unobtrusively on top of his bookshelf, almost indistinguishable from the clutter of the dirty apartment.) Cannon is awoken in the middle of the night by a cell phone call -- it's the Token Black Police Chief (Denzel Washington), and "you'd better come see this".
This time, a more gruesome murder scene. For some reason, the modest house's Title Deed (Baltic Avenue!) is face-up on the floor next to the victim -- "Was there a deed at the first scene?" The next day, we see the news and the city is in a panic over the murders and -- breaking news! -- a body was found hanging from the local IRS office. (Income Tax!) Cannon, enjoying a cup of coffee and watching the news on his day off, glances at the Monopoly board sitting on top of his book shelf, and we get a cut to him back at the station, frantically sweeping papers off the Chief's to clear room for a Monopoly board. Requisite "this is no time for games, Scott!" comment from the Chief, as he scoffs at Cannon's crackpot "Monopoly theory."
But when a train bound for Reading, PA is bombed the next day, killing 12 and injuring dozens, the media puts the pieces together too and sends Atlantic City into a frenzy over the Monopoly Killer. Cannon is assigned to the case with his tough-love, hotheaded partner, Jackson Carr (the guy from the "Make 7, Up Yours" ads).
Aware of the killer's M.O., people on the affected streets (e.g., Oriental, Vermont, and Connecticut Avenues) flee en masse. Enter sleazy real estate dealer Harry "Pennybags" Wormwood (Danny DeVito, reprising his role from Matilda). Since nobody wants to be on a street where they know they could be killed, Wormwood buys up entire blocks of dirt-cheap real estate, selling the majority of the plots to mysterious Iron Horse Enterprises. Wormwood, living large in his new-found riches and sporting a three-piece suit and top hat, refuses to cooperate with Cannon or the police, stating he was simply in the right place at the right time, and that he is selling the land to the highest bidder, no questions asked. (You're not gonna believe this, but officials find no record of Iron Horse Enterprises existing ANYWHERE.)
The police have more problems still, as the local Federal prison is bombed, resulting in a massive jail break. (Headline of the paper that Carr disgustedly slams on the table: GET OUT OF JAIL FREE?) The resulting petty crime spree, combined with the disabling of the city's water system, turns Atlantic City into a lawless anarchy for those remaining within the city limits.
The plot thickens as massive, bright-red structures begin to pop up on the properties sold by Wormwood, and the story gains national attention as the crime spree spreads out from Atlantic City into the rest of the country (New York Ave., Illinois Ave., Kentucky Ave.) There are still no leads and no clues as to who the perpetrators may be, save for Wormwood and his enigmatic business partners. The killing spree, finally, becomes a race against the clock as the nation realizes that it's only a matter of time before the next target becomes Pennsylvania Avenue -- best known for its 1600 block in Washington, D.C.: the White House.
I don't know if that's going to win any Oscars, but you can't convince me this would be worse than Cop Out. You just can't. If I forgot anything, or if I'm missing any obvious gratuitous Monopoly references -- perhaps the villain's spite comes from only winning Second Prize in a beauty contest? -- let me know. Other possible board games to make into movies: Sorry, Stratego, Don't Wake Daddy, Scrabble?
More as it comes to me. Keep checking the Delicious and Twitter feeds; I update Twitter a lot, and I'll try to remember to bookmark interesting things on Delicious again.
Last weekend, I was enjoying a greasy breakfast with some old friends at the (ahem) appropriately and brilliantly named Hang Over Easy in Columbus, Ohio. ("Check it out, there's a working N64 hanging on the wall!") Someone asked, if you were a serial killer, what would the pattern of your crime spree be? What's your serial-killer fantasy modus operandi?
We all thought about it -- his friend had a good one, where he only kills people who look like faces from the Guess Who game. (Cards do not actually talk.) Well, my creativity bone has been broken lately, so my mind was stuck on board games, but I settled on a Monopoly killing spree, where I murder someone living on each street of the Monopoly board, beginning with Mediterranean Avenue. Anyway, this provoked some great discussion, and we eventually turned this idea into a movie pitch. So, presenting...
MONOPOLY
Go to jail. Go directly to jail.
Go to jail. Go directly to jail.
Open: a routine murder scene in Atlantic City. A poor immigrant mother is found dead in her apartment at 60 Mediterranean Avenue. Absolutely no leads -- no prints or any traces of evidence. Baffled and exhausted, disillusioned police detective Scott Cannon returns to his apartment and argues with his wife (a slightly run-down Gwyneth Paltrow) before crashing on his couch. (A Monopoly box sits unobtrusively on top of his bookshelf, almost indistinguishable from the clutter of the dirty apartment.) Cannon is awoken in the middle of the night by a cell phone call -- it's the Token Black Police Chief (Denzel Washington), and "you'd better come see this".
This time, a more gruesome murder scene. For some reason, the modest house's Title Deed (Baltic Avenue!) is face-up on the floor next to the victim -- "Was there a deed at the first scene?" The next day, we see the news and the city is in a panic over the murders and -- breaking news! -- a body was found hanging from the local IRS office. (Income Tax!) Cannon, enjoying a cup of coffee and watching the news on his day off, glances at the Monopoly board sitting on top of his book shelf, and we get a cut to him back at the station, frantically sweeping papers off the Chief's to clear room for a Monopoly board. Requisite "this is no time for games, Scott!" comment from the Chief, as he scoffs at Cannon's crackpot "Monopoly theory."
But when a train bound for Reading, PA is bombed the next day, killing 12 and injuring dozens, the media puts the pieces together too and sends Atlantic City into a frenzy over the Monopoly Killer. Cannon is assigned to the case with his tough-love, hotheaded partner, Jackson Carr (the guy from the "Make 7, Up Yours" ads).
Aware of the killer's M.O., people on the affected streets (e.g., Oriental, Vermont, and Connecticut Avenues) flee en masse. Enter sleazy real estate dealer Harry "Pennybags" Wormwood (Danny DeVito, reprising his role from Matilda). Since nobody wants to be on a street where they know they could be killed, Wormwood buys up entire blocks of dirt-cheap real estate, selling the majority of the plots to mysterious Iron Horse Enterprises. Wormwood, living large in his new-found riches and sporting a three-piece suit and top hat, refuses to cooperate with Cannon or the police, stating he was simply in the right place at the right time, and that he is selling the land to the highest bidder, no questions asked. (You're not gonna believe this, but officials find no record of Iron Horse Enterprises existing ANYWHERE.)
The police have more problems still, as the local Federal prison is bombed, resulting in a massive jail break. (Headline of the paper that Carr disgustedly slams on the table: GET OUT OF JAIL FREE?) The resulting petty crime spree, combined with the disabling of the city's water system, turns Atlantic City into a lawless anarchy for those remaining within the city limits.
The plot thickens as massive, bright-red structures begin to pop up on the properties sold by Wormwood, and the story gains national attention as the crime spree spreads out from Atlantic City into the rest of the country (New York Ave., Illinois Ave., Kentucky Ave.) There are still no leads and no clues as to who the perpetrators may be, save for Wormwood and his enigmatic business partners. The killing spree, finally, becomes a race against the clock as the nation realizes that it's only a matter of time before the next target becomes Pennsylvania Avenue -- best known for its 1600 block in Washington, D.C.: the White House.
I don't know if that's going to win any Oscars, but you can't convince me this would be worse than Cop Out. You just can't. If I forgot anything, or if I'm missing any obvious gratuitous Monopoly references -- perhaps the villain's spite comes from only winning Second Prize in a beauty contest? -- let me know. Other possible board games to make into movies: Sorry, Stratego, Don't Wake Daddy, Scrabble?
More as it comes to me. Keep checking the Delicious and Twitter feeds; I update Twitter a lot, and I'll try to remember to bookmark interesting things on Delicious again.
01 December 2009
Despidiéndole a Madrid 06:30
As I sit here now, three days almost to the minute from leaving this apartment for the last time, I feel really conflicted. This isn't exactly anything earth-shattering, but I am really excited to get home and also really sad to leave Spain. Four months have gone in a heartbeat, but at the same time, looking back on Mare Nostrum and my arrival at Pilar's house, it seems like another lifetime. I have done well in my time here: I've improved my Spanish by an insane margin, traveled to some awesome places, made some good friends, taught English at an elementary school, and had a really good homestay. Still, the little comforts and familiarities of home are appealing -- and not just those of my hometown, but the States in general.
I could talk about my second trip with Mare Nostrum to Andalucía but the truth is that I was quite sick for a good part of it. The hotel was nice! We saw a very authentic flamenco show, given by a gypsy family in an old cave, and the Alhambra and the Mosque in Córdoba were amazing pieces of Moorish architecture that remain well-preserved, but I've written enough lists of things I've done. I'm in a more reflective mood.
Things I will unquestionably miss about Spain
Things I am unquestionably looking forward to at home
I'll be more brief here...
Advice I'd give to others studying in Spain and elsewhere
Well, that is about all that is on my mind. Tomorrow, I have my last exam -- Modern Spanish Art -- and Thursday will be lots of packing, culminating with my Farewell Dinner Thursday night at the Institute. I have been taking pictures of the house and random things that have defined my stay here -- not landmarks, but the more everyday things, so that I can remember them and so you can see them. I will post those pictures in a sort of photo essay here soon, perhaps even after I get back. Friday, my flight leaves Madrid at 16:55 CET and gets in at 19:35 EST -- an eight-hour+ flight that only takes 2.5 hours on the clock -- and then I get into Syracuse at about 23:45. Long day but I'm really excited! After I get back, I don't know what will become of this blog but that's a decision for another day.
¡Nos vemos muy pronto!
I could talk about my second trip with Mare Nostrum to Andalucía but the truth is that I was quite sick for a good part of it. The hotel was nice! We saw a very authentic flamenco show, given by a gypsy family in an old cave, and the Alhambra and the Mosque in Córdoba were amazing pieces of Moorish architecture that remain well-preserved, but I've written enough lists of things I've done. I'm in a more reflective mood.
Things I will unquestionably miss about Spain
- Public transportation. It's good in just about any big city, but Madrid's Metro is king. Probably the best subway in the world (although some people argue for Tokyo) despite Madrid's only being the world's 50th largest city. (Honorable mention to London and Paris... not quite as good as Madrid's Metro but still very, very good.) Additionally, the buses are really good: both the local city buses, and the inter-city buses that run across Spain. It's all really affordable and efficient. Everyone owns a car here, unlike New York City, but if I lived here I honestly couldn't imagine needing one. It's a refreshing feeling and makes life a lot easier not having to drive everywhere, and as much as I'm going to enjoy having my car again, in the States you have to drive everywhere, and in the 'burbs it takes 10-15 minutes to get anywhere.
- My host family. I have gotten along with Pilar incredibly well. After hearing everyone exchange horror stories about their families on the bus home from Andalucía, I wished I could have had my recommendation form back. Not that I said anything even remotely negative about Pilar; I loved living here because it's a great location, she's a good cook, and I get along well with her and her family (namely her grandson Germán of 20 months and her daughter's dog Tai). No, the reason I wanted the recommendation form back was because I had the perfect answer to the last question in my head...
Q: Would you recommend this family to another student?
A: Let me put it this way... When everyone sits around and exchanges horror stories about their señoras, I can just sit back, smile, and listen to the conversation in silence, because I have absolutely nothing to add. - The attitude toward alcohol. One of the biggest differences between America and Europe. Kids are introduced to alcohol younger, as a part of life, and it's not made out to be the Forbidden Fruit like it is in the US. Almost anywhere that sells food sells cañas of beer or red wine, and it's not necessarily a bad thing. Returning to the US, where you can only order alcohol at a bar and not at, say, McDonald's will be strange. Enjoying a small beer or copa with lunch isn't done out of alcoholism here; more just because it's refreshing, you like the taste, and you get tapas too for the price of the drink. People here do not drink too much, ever, despite the fact that botellón (drinking outside in groups) and ir de copas (going out for drinks) is practiced by teenagers. The stereotype of Americans is that they have a tendency to, well, overindulge.
- The Spanish lifestyle. Especially during the summer, I think the Spanish really do it right. Light meals, the famous siestas (the extent of which are a bit overblown, but I enjoyed them in the summer heat), late dinners after the weather cools down, and bottles of wine and sangría shared among friends at outdoor terraces afterward. Madrid's a big city and the difference between here and home isn't as striking as in Italy, but things are just a half step slower here -- nobody's really in a rush at restaurants or supermarkets -- and that's just fine with me.
- My elementary school kids. Most were very enthusiastic about learning English. I felt like the class started getting a lot more productive once I gave up speaking only English and explained more complicated concepts in Spanish. This helped on many levels; it helped me improve my Spanish by conversing with them, it helped them understand English, and it made the kids that much more attentive. I've heard the only way to really teach or learn a language well is to speak only in that language -- my host sister Arancha, who teaches Spanish to Arabic-speaking students, told me. But when you're trying to explain something very complicated, especially about grammar, no amount of gesturing and slowing down is going to force comprehension, and a short sentence or two in Spanish let my kids know exactly what I was talking about, and quickly.
- Getting to constantly practice Spanish. I need to lots watch of Spanish TV and speak whenever possible so I don't lose it. People here say I speak really well, I need to keep that up. (I probably peaked sometime in early November but am still doing very well with it.)
- The climate. The last two weeks, it's been a bit cold -- around 8 degrees Celsius, or 46 Fahrenheit -- but to a native Syracusan, that's nothing. Here, that's freezing. People bundle up with heavy coats, hats, and gloves in this weather, and always ask me how I can walk around with an unzipped coat and nothing else. "Hombre," I reply. "Soy de Nueva York. Hoy, no hace frío." And I laugh.
- Döner kebabs, good Spanish ham (and seeing big legs of ham just chilling in every restaurant), and actual tapas culture -- tapas should be cheap dishes received for free with drinks or ordered relatively inexpensively à la carte in moderate portions. They should not be what most "tapas" bars are in the USA: overpriced, posh bars where everyone's dressed to the nines, they only serve cosmos and wine, and there's house music playing. No. (It would actually be cool to open a Spanish restaurant / cafetería back home, because if it's done right, it's a fun atmosphere with good prices.)
Things I am unquestionably looking forward to at home
I'll be more brief here...
- Good pizza -- like, with tomato sauce.
- Fast food that doesn't make me wake up in a cold sweat with horrible stomach pain. (Taco Bell especially, because duh.)
- Being able to watch my American sports. I tried to stay away from them here, and I did a pretty good job of it, but the addiction to Michigan football and Syracuse basketball is hard to break and reading GameCasts and liveblogs just doesn't quite have the same appeal as actually watching a game.
- Walter's! Enough said. (Sub-thing: buying beer at a bar that doesn't cost 5€ / $7.)
- Video games; haven't touched one since I left in August, but MW2, MVP, and Gretzky are calling my name.
- Wegman's. Oh, Wegman's. And Pavone's. And Alto Cinco. And Cosmo's. And cheapish sushi. All-American classics.
- Living somewhere where it's socially acceptable to wear a baseball cap in public.
- TV shows where the commercials aren't literally six minutes long.
- Friends and family, of course.
- Finally, just a little bit... snow. (Remind me of this when it's still snowing in April.)
Advice I'd give to others studying in Spain and elsewhere
- Make sure you have $500-$1000 more than you think you need saved up. Until you get a hang of where and how to find the cheap food in a new country, you'll end up paying a lot more than you need to when you go out to eat or drink, or even when buying water or snacks. Also, you don't want to have to say "no" to taking a trip to somewhere that interests you because you're running low on cash. It's good to try to go on a budget but you're HERE in Europe, might as well see it. (I did pretty well with this.)
- Along the same lines... grocery stores -- NOT alimentación places or los chinos (named for their Chinese owners), as convenience stores are called here -- are the places to find the best deals on anything. Oh, you just paid €1.50 for that liter of water? The grocery store nearby probably has 1.5L of the same water for €0.30. Bread, meat, and cheese are really cheap, too, and if you have a knife (or don't mind a few crumbs), you can make your own bocadillos (i.e., baguette sandwiches) very very cheap... around €1.50 per person.
- Bring a water bottle so you don't have to buy lots of water -- especially if you're somewhere that has good, drinkable tap water (like Madrid). This is especially useful when going out to eat because some places will not bring you a tap water if you order it, no matter what you say. Also, water fountains in Europe more or less don't exist.
- Don't go in thinking you'll use your American phone. Just buy a cheap prepaid one when you get there. Everyone you'll be calling will have a Spanish number, too.
- Abuse Skype, both with your friends and family from home and with friends at school. Much cheaper than calling or texting on your Spanish/whereverish phone.
- Save your Spanish phone; you really can sell it back for 6€ if you have all the original stuff that came with it. And at the end of the semester, 6€ might as well be winning the lottery.
- Do postcards early. Otherwise you'll just forget until it's too late and you'd end up beating the postcard home.
- If your camera/SD card breaks the first week you're here, for the love of God do something about it. (Those last two things may apply to me.)
Well, that is about all that is on my mind. Tomorrow, I have my last exam -- Modern Spanish Art -- and Thursday will be lots of packing, culminating with my Farewell Dinner Thursday night at the Institute. I have been taking pictures of the house and random things that have defined my stay here -- not landmarks, but the more everyday things, so that I can remember them and so you can see them. I will post those pictures in a sort of photo essay here soon, perhaps even after I get back. Friday, my flight leaves Madrid at 16:55 CET and gets in at 19:35 EST -- an eight-hour+ flight that only takes 2.5 hours on the clock -- and then I get into Syracuse at about 23:45. Long day but I'm really excited! After I get back, I don't know what will become of this blog but that's a decision for another day.
¡Nos vemos muy pronto!